alancreech

happy st. patrick's day

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 17:53:00 +0000

ST. PATRICK'S BREASTPLATE

I bind to myself today
the power of God to hold and lead,
his eye to watch, his might to stay,
his ear to harken to my need:
the wisdom of God to teach,
his hand to guide, his shield to ward;
the word of God to give me speech,
his heavenly host to be my guard.
Christ be with me,
Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ deep within me,
Christ below me,
Christ above me,
Christ at my right hand,
Christ at my left hand,
Christ as I lie down,
Christ as I arise,
Christ as I stand,
Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks to me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.

movin' along

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 15:31:00 +0000

Well, the old Google Blogger has made a decision - an unfortunate one as I see it. I'm sure I'm not the only one. They will no longer enable FTP publishing with their blogs after May 1, 2010. That means I can't publish my blog to my own space, at my own domain name, which I already pay for, using Blogger's interface. Therefore, I shall be moving along.

I have been playing with Wordpress here for the last few weeks, getting ready for the transfer of "goods." I am no code hacker. I've never designed a web page using php. Knowing html, I can kind of swim my way through the code enough to half-way figure out what the hell is going on. It's a different world though. I find that I cannot fully, at least not with my skill-set right now, transfer my own design (that you see here) into this new Wordpress setting. I have, though, found a nice template to use and have figured out how to customize it a lot more than I thought I could.

Also, I can still update to my server space, on which I have installed Wordpress already, which is great. So, when the time comes, I'll let you know. www.alancreech.com will remain the address through which to reach the site. I think the only thing that will change is the index file name, which some of you may have linked to directly. It'll be a php file instead of an html file. Again, I'll let you know when this happens so you can change what you may need to change, link-wise, etc. I'll update the RSS feed so that it will remain the same. Anyone who is using that shouldn't need to change anything - hopefully.

You never know, maybe all this will act as a catalyst and get me to blog more. I really do want to write more. It's in me. For the last while, though, other things that are "in me" have been overriding my ability to write like I used to. I pray for God's Grace to help me push through that. I feel like I'm neglecting something. OK, that's it for now. I will keep you updated. Thanks for everyone who has read the blog for all these years. Peace.

from st. bernard > fear and self-interest

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 15:18:00 +0000

Neither fear nor self-interest can convert the soul. They may change the appearance, perhaps even the conduct, but never the object of supreme desire... Fear is the motive which constrains the slave; greed binds the selfish man, by which he is tempted when he is drawn away by his own lust and enticed (James 1:14). But neither fear nor self-interest is undefiled, nor can they convert the soul. Only charity can convert the soul, freeing it from unworthy motives.
- St. Bernard of Clairvaux

Can we see or hear or read something like this over and over again and still not quite get it? I'm pretty sure we can. Fear doesn't change people. It will not, it cannot transform the inner person into the Image of Christ! "Don't do this or you'll go to hell" DOESN'T WORK! Oh, as St. Bernard says, it may well change the conduct, the behavior of a person, at least temporarily, but it cannot effect real, permanent change. We make a very grave error when we depend on that kind of thing to control others or ourselves.

Not even "self-interest" can work real transformative change in us. Not even doing it because we want to improve ourselves so that we are "the best" we can be. That doesn't sound right to someone, but I think it's true. These kinds of motivations are ultimately about the self - me, me, me. They have at their root, pride.

Can we want to grow further into Christ and it not be pride? Oh, I think certainly we can. But of course, as we go along in this life, all our motives are somewhat broken. We rarely have a perfect desire. But we have to at least understand that at its core, basically this whole thing is about love - Love. God has Loved and does Love us and that effects change in us. It elicits a response from us - a deep one, a real one. And the truest response to that deep drawing is also love - love responding to Love. That's where transformation happens, in the relational interaction of love between us and God. It's the only place it happens. If we keep that in mind, even in the midst of our broken mess of twisted desires and motives, God will see that and that loving relationship will continue to happen and we will truly be changed.

our spiritual attitude

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 17:39:00 +0000

Our spiritual attitude, our way of seeking peace and perfection, depends entirely on our concept of God. If we are able to believe he is truly our loving Father, if we can really accept the truth of his infinite and compassionate concern for us, if we believe that he loves us not because we are worthy but because we need his love, then we can advance with confidence. We will not be discouraged by our inevitable weakness and failures. We can do anything he asks of us. But if we believe he is a stern, cold lawgiver who has no real interest in us, who is merely a ruler, a lord, a judge and not a father, we will have great difficulty in living the Christian life. We must therefore begin by believing God is our Father: otherwise we cannot face the difficulties of the Christian way of perfection. Without faith, the "narrow way" is utterly impossible.
-Thomas Merton, Life and Holiness

Underlying attitudes are huge. The way we think about things will "rule" how we are able to live in certain areas. If we believe God is a "stern, cold lawgiver," we will act accordingly. We will have a very hard time indeed being able to live in the Love that Jesus came to bring us. If we have the kind of faith that sees God as loving Father, then we will be working with Him in His own reality - see how that works? Working "against" Him or working "with" Him - which is it?

What's unfortunate is that many of us have learned the poor lesson of "God as lawgiver" and lawgiver and judge alone. We have been crippled from the get-go. The Holy Spirit, though, is still able to come in and warm our hearts - to enlighten us as to His real identity - to lift us out of our prison into the freedom of His Love and Mercy.

Come Holy Spirit! Come and set Your people free!

lenten thoughts > 1

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 20:46:00 +0000

When I think: "I have lost my foothold,"
your mercy, Lord, holds me up.
When cares increase in my heart
your consolation calms my soul.
-from Psalm 94

Oooor not. In my case right now - not. His consolation is not calming my soul as cares increase in my heart. I do not sense His mercy holding me up. I'm falling and there is no net beneath me, no safety cable. I have to read and pray that as if I want it to be true while knowing it is not.

a body of broken bones 1

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 21:10:00 +0000

Just wanted to share this amazing quote from Thomas Merton about hatred and love - about this Body of broken bones of which we are a part as Christians. Put your heavy listening headphones on here folks...

Strong hate, the hate that takes joy in hating, is strong because it does not believe itself to be unworthy and alone. It feels the support of a justifying God, of an idol of war, an avenging and destroying spirit. From such blood-drinking gods the human race was once liberated, with great toil and terrible sorrow, by the death of a God Who delivered Himself to the Cross and suffered the pathological cruelty of His own creatures out of pity for them. In conquering death He opened their eyes to the reality of a love which asks no questions about worthiness, a love which overcomes hatred and destroys death. But men have now come to reject this divine revelation of pardon, and they are consequently returning to the old war gods, the gods that insatiably drink blood and eat the flesh of men. It is easier to serve the hate-gods because they thrive on the worship of collective fanaticism. To serve the hate-gods, one has only to be blinded by collective passion. To serve the God of Love one must be free, one must face the terrible responsibility of the decision to love in spite of all unworthiness whether of oneself or in one's neighbor.
- Thomas Merton; New Seeds of Contemplation (bolding mine)

Not much I can add to that. Hear it and know that this is true, to some degree, of all of us. We're broken - broken more than we like to admit. But we will never be "fixed" if we take our brokenness to heart and own it as if it were goodness. God's Grace be with us all.

re-thoughts on prayer and liturgy > 5

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 16:38:00 +0000

Here's a post where I'm talking about liturgical prayer - praying the liturgy of the hours - after I read an article in the Vineyard's church planting magazine interviewing Episcopalian Phyllis Tickle. The gist of my thoughts are about praying because it's "what we do" as opposed to because we feel something when we pray, or to "get something," etc. The ecumenical aspects of liturgical prayer come out as well.

--------------------------------------------

Liturgical Prayer > Thoughts (from 06/23/2008)

Skimming through a copy of Cutting Edge (the Vineyard's church planting magazine - I'm still on the list apparently) lately and ran into an excerpt from a 2002 interview with Phyllis Tickle about prayer - specifically about praying the office. The quote I want to share is just a great, brief synopsis about praying in this way from Phyllis as she answers a question from the interviewer. I'll include both question and answer.

Talk a little bit about the nature of praying with fixed-hour prayer.

Praying the office is to enter a place built by words which have been with us for 3,500 years. They are the words Jesus himself used, the words of the apostles. When you enter that space you bring with you the communion of saints across all the ages. You pray words that are not your words. They are the words of the saints, and you don't mess with them. They have been given to you. A reporter once asked me, "So, what do you get out of fixed-hour prayer?" Before even thinking, I said, "Not one damn thing."

Of course, I pray spontaneously, as well. And I set aside a portion of each afternoon to do petition and intercession, which are not formulaic or written. I cannot imagine a prayer life in which that didn't happen. But I wouldn't want to have one without the other.
–from Cutting Edge, Winter 2002, Phyllis Tickle: The Shaping of a Prayer Life

That's a great quote. Phyllis is a member of the Episcopal Church and has done a ton to promote the practice of praying the office. She developed a prayer book called The Divine Hours which helps people do this. I've prayed with people using her book but I don't use it myself. I use the 4-volume Liturgy of the Hours. I need to "use" it more. The term "fixed-hour prayer" doesn't quite fit with me yet on praying the office. There isn't a specific time Liz and I, or just I pray. I'm sure in the future more set times will emerge in our practice but right now that's not the case. It's the rhythm of doing it that's probably more important I would think.

I love that answer to the reporter's question - "Not one damn thing." Awesome. Here's what she basically means - we don't pray this way in order to get something out of it - not to feel anything or sense how amazing we're becoming. We do it because that's what you do. You have a rhythm of prayer in your life because you have His Life inside you. You keep in flowing. The water moves and it keeps moving. Technically, in the end, I suppose we do get something out of it - being in the flow of contact with God in His Word, with the Church - just not in the way people think when they ask a question like that. So, if you pick up this habit (and it takes a while), don't expect to have a very exciting experience as you pray. Now, it may feel like something every now and then, but that's not what its about.

And yes, there's an Episcopalian talking to a Vineyard magazine about practices that have been a part of her Anglican heritage and of the ancient Catholic heritage for a long time. This way of praying is catching on all through the whole Church's proverbial circulatory system, down the capillary ends. Most Catholics barely know what praying the office is, it has so long been only something that the clergy or monks did, even if the Catholic Church has stated a desire that the entire membership pick up habits of prayer like this and pray them together. I doubt most Anglicans or Orthodox take advantage of the deep, liturgical prayer traditions in their arenas either. Saying that is not about dissing anyone - it is simply, for me, sad. It's spreading out, though, and that's a very good thing. We can pray in this way together, all of us. It can be a unifier of sorts. It's a deep, fruitful river we can all connect ourselves to and allow it to irrigate us as one common crop of God.

re-thoughts on prayer and liturgy > 4

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 15:20:00 +0000

Since we are... back in Ordinary Time at the moment - here's another post I wrote in 2008, talking about a liturgical spirituality based in the ordinary. I re-read this just a few minutes ago and I say, it is good. There are, for some perhaps, a couple of radical suggestions toward the end. I'm still 110% with those. Good stuff - regular rhythm of everyday life - love and not fear - Peace to you.

--------------------------------------------------

Back to Ordinary (from 01/14/2008)

Back to the brown book, back to Ordinary Time. I'm pretty sure this is my favorite liturgical season. I'm not sure it's considered a "season," per se, but it's my favorite time block on the calendar. Weird, you say? Maybe. I think I just prefer the regular rhythm of everyday life as opposed to the somewhat intense focus on a particular event or Truth in the life of Christ and the Church.

I don't mean to say that I don't appreciate the celebration of say, Lent or Advent or Christmas or Easter. I think we need those constant reminders interrupting the rhythm of our lives. Over and over, year after year, to live that in and out, up and down of the calendar is good. I believe that.

I wonder, though, if sometimes we don't get a little carried away with the celebrations such that they become things that we wait for during Ordinary Time, just tolerating things until November or February. I've heard some people say they wish we'd back Advent up into October to make it longer. Mmmmmmm, I don't think I'd be in favor of that. If anything, make it shorter. I don't think it's the healthiest thing to live our lives waiting for big, spectacular events. If we can't "feel spiritual" or close to God during the ordinary part of the year, we have some problems.

And nobody's asking for my vote, but strip out all the "obligation" attached to any of these feast days, and to any fasting or abstinence attached to them. That is not to say there shouldn't be an encouragement to do certain things or to gather with the whole Church to worship at certain times. Certainly there should be, but attaching an ultimate penalty to these things is counter-productive to real spiritual development. Yes, I really do think so. Would you rather your children obey your rules out of love and respect or from fear of being punished - and not just punished but kicked out of the freakin' house? I hope our answer would be, love. And fear does not produce love. I don't think so.

Anyway, we should all develop a rhythm to our spiritual lives that is solidly entrenched in Ordinary Time. The special seasons should be pleasant interruptions in an already solid rhythm of life focused on our Life in Christ. Christmas is wonderful, and waiting for it in Advent is great, but the now is that Christ is alive, as God and Man, and living in us. Easter is amazing and the relative darkness of Lent is a helpful thing, but now, He lives forever in eternity and is constantly inviting us into His present Life. Let's do what we can to constantly be hearing that invitation and saying yes to it.

re-thoughts on prayer and liturgy > 3

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 03:31:00 +0000

Here's some stuff I used in my recent retreat talks as well. This is a sort of fleshed-out outline of a homily I taught/preached at the Easter Vigil of 2007 - done in cooperation between the faith community I used to lead and our friends, St. Patrick's Anglican church here in Lexington. I both sung the Exultet and preached the homily - yes I did. :) I took a bit of a perhaps unusual tack by not talking particularly about Easter, but about the liturgy of the Church in general, how it forms us, living in the rhythm of it, etc. So, even though it's not even Lent yet, much less Easter, it fits. Have at it...

-----------------------------------

Vigil Homily (from 04/14/2007)

I said a bit back that I might put up the outline (most of it actually) of the homily I gave at our Easter Vigil celebration. And so here I am doin' it..

This work we are doing is doing a work in us.
Whatever Teaching or Preaching I do tonight is only a very small part of a larger whole.
The liturgy itself does something in us. It forms us. It is a tool God uses to mold us into the image of Him Who's resurrection we celebrate tonight. (I then talked a bit about the analogy of the Potter working with clay - that there are a specific set of tools used in ceramics and the way they go about molding a piece of clay into a "pot" is a "liturgy" in itself - there is a repeated definite pattern to the process.)
When you, when we count on Teaching or Preaching to do too much work on their own, we throw our life as a Body out of balance. We put too heavy a burden on this pulpit. (I talked about how the small lectern I was behind wouldn't hold my weight, and pushed down on it - music stand). It was not designed to bear such a weight. (I spoke a little about how some parts of the Church have done this, put too much weight on one piece).
We must, rather, put ourselves into the whole life of the Church. We are now in Him, a part of his Household. And, so, we're a part of the "family business," as it were. (I talked about how it's as if we've been adopted into a family who has a farm - farm life is very rhythmic and seasonal - it is very much like a "liturgical lifestyle").
This spiritual life's work we're doing is not only the liturgy we're involved in from week to week, that of the Mass. It is this, tonight, that fire, that great candle, the light of God dispelling the darkness in all of us. It is the constant, joyful din of Alleluia through the whole Easter season - and then, and then, and then... It never ends. The cycle keeps on going - the great Rhythm of our life in God.
Not always exciting or spectacular (not like tonight's liturgy, not always a big deal). But always real and True and always forming us, whether we feel like it is or not - over a long period of time - day by day, week by week, month, years. (we don't like talking about the "years" part but this liturgical lifestyle lends itself to a long-haul perspective of the Christian life, of this life of transformation).

So, let us not give up even after Easter, on into Ordinary time. Let us keep breathing, keep doing our work, keep living. Amen.

re-thoughts on prayer and liturgy > 2

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 18:39:00 +0000

Here's a double-whammy for you. Two posts, one short, one longer, on liturgy itself. This is also something I talked about with the UM Pastors in the UP last week. These things are important, I think. Many who came through the emerging church era, and many who don't even know what that is/was, have come to see how helpful these things are for the Church.

Oh - one more general thing: If you didn't know already, Haloscan comments are going the way of the dinosaur in a few weeks. So, I've exported and saved all my old comments (there were around 7,500 of them - wow) and gone to Blogger comments because it's easy and free.

------------------------------------------

Liturgy (from 08/24/2006)

The skeleton of a faith community's worship and prayer life. It is the spiritual life's work we do as a community, together, with and in Christ. Should we have one, a skeleton that is? Yes. The question certainly should be asked, but if somehow we come to the answer "no" I'm pretty sure we fell off a cliff somewhere. Should they all be the same in every church? Yeah, hmmm, yes and no. That's right - to a degree, yes, all skeletons in all bodies are the same. You have a humerus, I have a humerus. I have a rib-cage and so do you. If you didn't have a rib-cage, that would not be good. It would mean either something bad happened in your genetic formation or you were in a bad accident - something, but it wouldn't be right. I believe there is a certain core of liturgical worship and prayer that is, let's put it this way, a healthier skeleton to have in your body. It's the one we've basically always had - well, until about 500 years ago. It's way too rigid in some parts of the Church (and non-existent in others = jelly body). There are places that it ends up choking people instead of guiding them or helping them worship and stand in the flow of God's Grace in the community. Choking isn't good. You can die from that. A rigid skeleton will break too easily. So, yes, there is a core that should exist in all places, times, cultures. But no, the exact expression and fleshing out of that skeleton is not, and probably should not, look the same everywhere. People go too far on both ends of this liturgical spectrum. Can we try, please, not to do that?

----------------

The Longhaul Life of The Community (from 03/19/2007)

That's the title of a little break-out session I lead at the thinspace gathering this weekend. It was a good conversation I think. Some of these things are pieces of things I've said in the past, some of it is new. I thought it might be helpful to put it up here as I put it together for the session.

But isn't liturgy dead, dry religion? Isn't that what many of us left a long time ago in favor of something more "spirit-lead" and "organic?" Well, I don't know, is it? I think some people think that. I think there are many people who don't really understand what liturgy is or what its purpose is. I'm sure of that. What also seems clear is that there are many in this so-called "emerging church" phenomenon who, after leaving this or that for whatever reasons, are beginning to rediscover liturgy as something good - liturgical prayer, worship, etc.

The concept of organic church
What about that word - organic? Let's think about that for a minute. Think about the natural world, organic life - how does that work anyway? It's certainly not formless or chaotic. Organic life has rhythm. It's not accidental. It's not wherever, whenever, whatever. That's not organic. I think liturgy is organic. It is a rhythm of activity focused on God, on God in the community of His People the Church. It moves in seasons - like breathing, leaves falling, buds sprouting, freezing and thawing, mating and giving birth, etc.

Liturgy as skeleton
Think about the human body. Liturgy gives us a skeletal structure to stand with, and it's not just some new made-up thing that hasn't been tested. It is tried and tested and still standing. It has helped in this way since the beginning. It is an ancient Oak. This, I think, is what we're catching hold of. Our eyes are open. Our noses are alert. We see and smell something that will give us what we do not have.

A liturgical lifestyle
As we re-examine the mode of our active Christian lives, we are discovering, it seems, the real value of a liturgical lifestyle, not only the trappings of liturgical worship. We are finding, once again, the real spiritual formation that happens in the context of close Christian community, and we are finding ways of living that out in the midst of "real life." The monastic life is not merely a life of quiet and solitude, although there are elements of that within it. It is a liturgical lifestyle - a life of "spiritual work" that is done by a community together. We are coming to see "discipleship" as less of an individual "me & Jesus" deal, and more as something that happens in the context of community - a community of those traveling this common journey together, for a long time. And this liturgical lifestyle is being rediscovered as something legitimately formational.

So, this is what I mean by the longhaul life of the community. We cannot live as communities of faith who are dependent on the newest, coolest thing that comes down the pike. We can't sustain a transformative life together by merely "hanging out" - doing whatever, whenever, wherever. It has no skeleton. It eventually falls to the ground. Liturgy (and at least to some significant degree I mean the liturgy that is old, which has been lived in since the Church began) is our stable skeletal structure. It is a compass. It acts as a rudder in a vast, open ecclesiastical ocean. It is a pattern of one step after another, together, toward a common goal. It will get boring. It will seem repetitive and sometimes dry to many. And it will form you, straighten your crooked limbs. It will act, spiritually, like physical therapy does for the body. Longhaul. Steady.

re-thoughts on prayer and liturgy > 1

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 15:39:00 +0000

Too long since I've blogged, so I think I'll start back with some re-posts - oldies but goodies. Some of these posts not so old, but something perhaps worth putting out there again.

I recently took a trip to Negaunee, Michigan (that's waaaay up there folks, in the UP) to lead United Methodist District Pastors retreat for a friend of mine, Eric Kieb, at his church there (he is Pastor of Mitchell UMC in Negaunee). It was a good time. It was definitely a gift for me to be able to do that kind of thing. I talked about liturgy, the liturgical lifestyle, liturgical prayer, etc. It flowed somewhat into the mystical life, union with God and cool stuff like that. Very good conversations.

I'm going back through my blog posts to find some of this kind of material. I'm sure some of it will be identical to what I talked about up there. Hopefully, some of it will be helpful in some way to someone. I'll start with this post entitled "prayer," originally posted April 29, 2008.

-----------------------------

prayer

"Prayer enlarges the heart until it is capable of containing the gift that God makes of Himself."
- Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Can't say it much better than that. I read that last night and thought it was well worthy of sharing here. It makes me think a couple of things: that prayer is a medium. It's something we do because we are in the state that we're in. This may sound odd, but I'm not sure God created us to have to pray. He created us to have such a close and intimate and undivided union with Him that prayer, as we know it, is not necessary. Yes, I know Jesus prayed, but He had also stepped into our broken realm.

Our goal - well, God's goal for us is Mystical Union with Himself, nothing less. Praying is necessary and good and we need to do it now. Even what we call the Saints "praying" in heaven to God for us, wouldn't be quite the same as what we're doing here from one dimension to another. To see them, "there" in the fullness of His Presence, having to kneel down and lift there hands or put their hands together in order to ask God to help us - well, it's odd and a very, very limited way of looking at what that Life is like.

Another thing is that prayer is not just some isolated "thing" we do here and there: pray to ask for help or for things; pray to get forgiveness; pray so that we don't have a car accident; stop and pray so that your sister won't go to hell, etc., etc. Prayer is more than that. It may include things like that from time to time, sure, but it's not just that. It is the opening of ourselves to God. This is why we are told to pray without ceasing. There are many different ways to pray. This should be obvious. So somehow, always, wherever we are or whatever we're doing, we can be "at prayer" in some way, even if it's just saying to ourselves that we are open to God, we are listening. Our mind can chew on things - we can meditate even without candles and music and silence. Sure, there are particular ways to pray and we should be doing those things, praying in those ways. But we need to come to realize that prayer is sort of a way of being, a constant attitude, both inward and outward. And as we open ourselves, God is there to "come in" and do the work that only He can do.

though the yield of the olive fail

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 15:50:00 +0000

For though the fig tree blossom not
nor fruit be on the vines,
though the yield of the olive fail
and the terraces produce no nourishment,

though the flock disappear from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet will I rejoice in the Lord
and exult in my saving God.
-Habakkuk 3:17-18

In the tender compassion of our God
the dawn from on high shall break upon us,
to shine on those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death,
and to guide our feet into the way of peace.
-Luke 1:78-79

These two bits from Morning Prayer sort of shined through to me as I prayed them. They are kind of "light in the darkness" sections. This happens to me often, even when I've allowed my habit to break of praying the Office for a bit - I step back in and God is waiting there for me. He always knows where I am, where my mind and heart are open, where they are closed. Even then, He holds the keys to every door.

We know this - He is faithful even when we are unfaithful. If this were not true, even what hope we had would be in vain. But it is not in vain.

Often, I believe, we think of "those who dwell in darkness and the shadow of death" as "someone else." Those poor people. Really, it's all of us, to one degree or another. Progressively, hopefully, we are being shown and we see more of His Light. He shines in our darkness and we are transformed, healed, made whole. And His Peace awaits us - and I'm not talking about "heaven" here - rather, the Peace of God which can and will fill and take hold of us right now. The fullness of God's Life is not for the sweet by and by. It may end up there, but that fullness is His will for us now, that our lives would be transformed now - not for a special few, but for all of us. May the tender compassion of our God continue to shine on our darkness.

thoughts on 2009

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 03:09:00 +0000

I thought since I haven't blogged much in the last little bit, I'd use this New Year's Eve opportunity to do a little retrospective of the last year, if I can remember enough to do it. I tend to be the introspective, fairly transparent type, so steer away if you don't want to wade through a little bit of it. Let's see.....

This has possibly been the worst year of my life so far. Maybe not, but as I thought about it, that's one of the things that came to mind. I have always been a melancholy type, but this year, I have been more acutely depressed and have felt probably more useless and worthless than at any other time in my life. This period, in general, has been in force for more than 2 years now, but it's hit a bit of a peak this year I think. I can still be nice and polite to people. I can basically function. But almost any time I settle into a lull, into "pause," my mind/emotions spiral downward. Not really a choice one would make. So far, I have opted away from therapy and medication. That might not last much longer. We'll see.
I have fished less this year than in any other year of my life thus far. Horrible. Pitiful. Just a terrible thing. This is likely a symptom of no. 1 up there. When someone like me doesn't even feel motivated to freakin' go fishing - something's wrong kids. Lately I have been very motivated to tie flies (gettin' ready to tie some right now as a matter of fact) - and I would hope this would be a positive precursor to fishing more in the new year. Again, we shall see.
I believe at this point in my life, I feel more alone and isolated and friendless than at any other time. I said "I feel" - friends of mine, please don't take offense to this. This is honestly what's going on inside me right now. I feel set adrift. I feel Psalm 88... "You have taken my friends away from me; you have made me an abomination to them; I am imprisoned, and I cannot escape. ...Companion and neighbor you have taken away from me; my only friend is darkness." That's some craziness, I can tell you that. It's a very, very odd thing. I certainly hope this period doesn't last a long, long time.
The job of being parent to my children is more difficult and taxing on my inner person than it has ever been. I've often said to Liz that I think I was much better at being a parent to small children... before they can talk back. I have little tolerance for even what many might call "normal" teenage "attitude." It lays a black cloud over my soul. It drains my strength away. It's hard for me to explain what it does to me. I try to deal with it, but it's very difficult for me right now. It's not funny to me at all - "hee heee, aaah teenagers, you know how teenagers are" - Well, I understand the process - went through it once, but seriously people. Of course, I want to make clear that I realize that I'm not dealing with real big problem kids here. I have good kids - I know that. Somehow, though, inside my own context, that doesn't help me much. God alone can help me - I'm pretty sure about that.
Work: I realize that I have never really gotten over being fired 2 years ago. It really did a number on me. Not having been able to find a job in my field again hasn't helped much with feelings of being thrown away. The freelance Graphic Design world is rough. I've gotten a few good jobs, which I appreciate, but it's not enough. I have slowly but surely come to the realization that I have to get some other kind of job. Yeah, yeah, I know I should've done it a long time ago. There was some kind of mental block about it that I can't fully grasp. It's somehow wound up with identity and worth and shame. It's time to move into territory I'm neither comfortable, nor totally ready for.
I have discovered that having pets, for me, simply isn't worth all you have to put into it. We have three (a dog and 2 cats) and on a very, very good day, that's 2 too many for me. Most regular days, I'd go for 3 too many - that equals none. I have not had the experience of animals as pets enhancing my life in a positive way like many have. I feel imprisoned by them. I feel emotionally blackmailed by them. My own human life feels too much for me to handle most of the time, with my own human family. All that other is just outside my box.

That's all I can think of right now. Sorry all that was a bit of a downer, but I'm certainly not going to sit here and make up a bunch of something to sound cheery at New Years.

I do pray for God to give me Wisdom in this new year - for Grace and Strength - for Him to heal my insides and help me to Love as I was created to Love - for guidance and direction. I'll try to listen. Amen.

Christmas is still here

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 23:23:00 +0000

A continued Merry Christmas to everyone! Christmas is still here. Don't take your decorations down yet! I know we've had them up for a while, but the actual Christmas season just began yesterday. I don't really have a lot to say about that at the moment. Just wanted to update the blog and say Merry Christmas. Perhaps I'll try to blog more regularly in the new year - we'll see.

cottage industry expansion > fly tying

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 14:27:00 +0000

Many years ago, I was a fly tier. I was a fly fisherman. Well, I still am, but then I worked in the industry. I was a tackle manager in a local Orvis fly shop. We sold gifts and clothing too, but the fly shop section was my deal. Counting and ordering flies, tying materials, tackle, etc. It often had that friendly fly shop feel. Regular customers would come by and talk about fishing this or that stream, ask advice about which flies to use, what line weight was best for Trout vs. Smallmouth Bass, and generally just shoot the breeze. We offered fly fishing courses for the newcomer to the sport - also, fly tying classes, which I would teach. I also taught some classes in my home at the time. It's been a while since I've done any of this for money, as a professional. I've thought about it here and there. I'm thinking about it again now, the job situation being as it is. I know one thing I can do well, and I love doing it - tying flies. It's not unlike making rosaries, which I also do. Creative. Detail-oriented. You produce with your own hands a solid, practical, yet beautiful object. You can hold it, look at it and say to yourself, "I made that." Then you can, respectively, tie it onto the end of your tippet and fish with it or hold it in your hand and pray with it.

So, here's the deal - a new wing of cottage industry is being birthed! I'm going to tie and sell selections of flies. My first set will be what you see pictured above - a selection of a dozen of my favorite, general Trout flies for $25.00. The flies, from left to right, are as follows: #8 Olive Wooly Bugger; #14 Mousey Nymph (created locally by two old fishing buddies); #14 Gold-Ribbed Hare's Ear Nymph; #14 (#15 wide gap hook actually) Elk-Hair Caddis Dry Fly. Here are some individual photos of the flies - click on them to see a larger image.

If you'd like to order a set of the dozen Trout flies, send me an e-mail from this link and I'll get back to you on when they'll be done, shipping, etc. Thanks very much in advance for the orders! Peace and "tight lines" to all fly fishermen. :)

favorite spiritual thinkers/writers

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 05:33:00 +0000

I don't read nearly as much as some of my friends. I read slowly - that's part of the reason. I also, only read things that really, for a number of reasons, catch my attention - that draw me in, that connect with me in some way and say to me: "this is going to be some really good, solid stuff that will build you up in a real and serious way." And if I latch onto something I read, I latch on and keep on going. Anyway, here is a list of the Christian thinkers/writers who's thoughts and insights I have most latched onto. Not sure what this will tell you about me - depends on who you are I guess.

Thomas Merton - I know, big surprise. I've said this before, but this man, although we did share earth-space for about 2 years, from the grave, has been my greatest teacher, mentor, spiritual director, etc., etc. I can't adequately begin to explain how the insights he was gifted with have effected me in my spiritual life, in how I understand that life, what it is and what it means. I am so very grateful for him.
St. Bernard of Clairvaux - French Cistercian Abbot, Priest, Mystical Theologian in the 12th century. Thanks to big Tom up there for turning me on to him - On The Love of God - good, good stuff.
St. John of the Cross - Spanish Carmelite Monk in the 16th century. Dark Night of the Soul - I hardly need to say more.
St. Teresa of Avila - Spanish Carmelite Nun in the 16th century. Contemporary, friend and spiritual director to St. John up there. Interior Castle - amazing vision.
Karl Rahner - German Jesuit Priest and Theologian. Fairly recent addition to my list. I have found what I've read of Rahner to be very helpful, extremely insightful.
Herbert McCabe - English Dominican Priest and Theologian. Even more recent. Very much appreciate and connect with the small amount I've read of McCabe.

That's all I can think of right now. I guess it's outside the point if I have to struggle too hard to think of someone. So, I won't call it an exhaustive list, but it's big, to me. Throw in a few early Church Fathers here and there and a smattering of medieval mystics with a dash of contemporary writers and thinkers and there you have it.

advent 2

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 17:21:00 +0000

We're getting off to a slow start in our observation of Advent in the Creech household this year - too slow for me anyway. We have our new candles for the wreath. We have our new devotional book - Advent and Christmas with the Saints. This series of books has been good so far, no reason not to keep going with another one. They're sitting there together in the living room - not one candle yet lit, not one devotion yet read. We'll get to it - hopefully before Christmas Eve.

The other day I got to e-talking with someone about what we're awaiting in Adent - liturgically, His first coming, or His second coming, at the end. The comment discussion got around to saying it was both, and it is. But I'm wondering now if there's another "coming" we don't anticipate enough. It's a little more esoteric than the first and the last, although integrally connected to both. It's His continual and progressive coming now, into our world and into our lives.

This, I believe, is the most important coming of Jesus that we are to be awaiting, and working to cooperate with. It is the Kingdom of God now among us and within us. I've talked about this before, but the whole concept of "Kingdom" is really only an analogy used by God to communicate something bigger and deeper to us in our own language. It's not merely about the coming of an attitude in which we recognize God as a crowned "King" of some kind of bounded "kingdom." That's too small. It's a fine analogy, but I really believe He was/is getting to something much bigger there.

Advent is really all about the Incarnation, as is Christmas. These are liturgical ways we have developed as the Church to help us navigate and appreciate the coming of God, of the fullness of His Life, into our world. The Incarnation is also not merely about God appearing among us as a man for 33 years and then returning on a cloud to heaven - so that now, in effect, the Incarnation went away with Him. Jesus was the first-born of many siblings, not the only-born. The Incarnation continues in us! The Life of God has entered us as we have come into union with Christ - through Him, with Him, in Him. So we continue to see it's effects in our own lives and in the world around us as we are being transformed into His very Image by the Lord, as we gaze on Him with unveiled faces (2 Cor. 3:18).

So, we should anticipate and pray: Come now, Lord Jesus - not to end it all vindicate us, not to burn the sinful world up and lift us on high, but continually come, expand Your Presence in me. Fill us with Your Life and change us, and with us, everything and everyone we touch.

advent 1

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 16:57:00 +0000

Father in heaven,
our hearts desire the warmth of your love
and our minds are searching for the light of your Word.
Increase our longing for Christ our Savior
and give us the strength to grow in love,
that the dawn of his coming
may find us rejoicing in his presence
and welcoming the light of his truth.
We ask this in the name of Jesus the Lord.
Amen.

Christ the King

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 15:04:00 +0000

This is actually a re-post from 2007. I couldn't think of anything better I could share with you on this feast day. The words of Thomas Merton about Christ the King, since I heard them, have always rung in my ears: "Christ is a king who does not control by power... who does not control by law." Swallow that, but make sure you chew on it for a good while first or you might choke.

Tomorrow [actually today] is the feast of Christ the King. I found an image I think is appropriate for how Christ showed Himself as King to us, for us. I don't really have a lot to say about that right now but I also wanted to share a two minute section of audio with you - of Thomas Merton speaking about Christ the King, on or near that same feast day in 1968, in Bangkok Thailand. So this was recorded about two weeks before he died. The quality isn't the greatest, but what he says is very well worth letting sink in. Listen well.

> Merton on Christ the King

allegiance

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 21:21:00 +0000

I generally don't comment on things like this, not specific events, but something I heard on the news about all this kind of drew it out of me. Apparently, at some point in his work history with the Army, the now notorious Ft. Hood shooter reportedly said that his allegiance was to Islam over the U.S. Constitution.

Annnnd this is a problem becaaauuse??

His skewed view of his own religion aside, I would answer - I should hope so! What if the soldier in question was a Christian and said his allegiance was to Christ over the U.S. Constitution? Sounds a little different now, doesn't it?

Well, sure he shouldn't have been shooting people on an Army base. Of course I would argue that he shouldn't be shooting at people anywhere, for any reason, if he is a Christian, but I understand the majority opinion - yeah, yeah. The point is, though, that in the "case" that is being built against this man is included that little story - that someone heard him say this phrase, which is supposed to be dangerous - that he is a Muslim before he is an American. That is being held up as "evidence" against him. "See, look at that psycho nut job, he puts his religion over the Constitution!"

Again, I say -- I should certainly hope so.

So, allegiance IS a serious thing, a serious word/concept. It is. I thought so, I was just checkin' there. Then we either take is too seriously, about the wrong things, or we take it too lightly, and scatter it around too widely. We should all hope that, if we are Christians, we are known for our allegiance being to Jesus Christ above and before ANYthing, much less the U.S. Constitution or any other man-made document.

*disclaimer: I want to make sure no one gets full-on in the throw is ignorance and thinks I'm saying what the man did was OK because he's Islamic, or for any reason at all. It wasn't - not for that reason - not for any reason. It was evil, nuts, crazy, etc. I'm just talking about that particular statement made about him, which could be made about anyone of any religion, and has nothing to do with killing people. That is all - the managment. :)

re-post > martin of tours > soldier of Christ

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 15:52:00 +0000

I always do this - realize it's the feast of Martin of Tours and also that it's ironically Veteren's Day in the U.S. on the same day. It always makes me want to say something and today is no different. I've decided that I don't want to re-think up thoughts I've already penned, though, so I'm re-posting something I wrote last year on this same day. I re-read it and I think it still speaks very much what is in my heart. No reason to re-invent the pacifist wheel, so to speak.

I've written 2 or 3 other specific posts about this subject you may be interested in as well. They are all located on this page if you'd like to take a look.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today is the memorial of St. Martin of Tours. Being a Roman soldier - after his conversion, he became what we now know as a conscientious objector. He refused to fight any longer. The famous quote is...

"I have served you as a soldier; now let me serve Christ. Give the bounty to those who are going to fight. But I am a soldier of Christ and it is not lawful for me to fight."

Many Christians before and after St. Martin have come to the same conclusion about killing in light of their new Life in Christ. I have myself. Once upon a time I actually joined the U.S. Navy, just before Liz and I were married in 1988. I took the oath, all that. I was scheduled to go to boot camp on delayed entry at the end of that Summer. I never went.

Just before I decided to join, I prayed and asked God to give me a quick answer (I know, I know - anyway...) - it was "no." But I shrugged it off and did it anyway. When I took the oath, I felt as squirrely as a, well, as a big red-tailed fox squirrel. It didn't feel right. During the next couple of months, I prayed a lot, studied a good bit, and came to the very firm conclusion that I could not kill anyone for my country, for anyone. That, along with that pesky oath business did me in. I couldn't do it.

I called the Senior Chief Petty Officer who recruited me and explained to him my dilemma. He was actually very nice about it, very understanding, questioned me, proposed scenarios to check my resolve and finally told me I would receive paperwork in the mail soon that I needed to sign. It came. I signed it. That was it. And no, I'm not officially a "veteran" since I was only ever technically in the "Innactive Naval Reserve."

OK, that's my story. I'm no Martin of Tours. He could have been instantly killed for his decision, which took place in a battlefield setting. The occasion made me think of it, though, so there you go. There is a long tradition of Christian Pacifism which shouldn't be taken lightly. Even those of us who aren't convicted in this way, should be very careful and serious about vowing your oath and allegiance and taking up arms to kill for a cause. Of course, if you ask my advice or opinion, I'd say, steer clear and don't put yourself in that position.

Oh, the "ironic" part up there is obviously that it's Veteran's Day in the U.S. today. Interesting overlap. Take a look at the site of Catholic Peace Fellowship for some more info. Here's a helpful PDF file of quotes from Church history, etc. on the subject of conscientious objection. PEACE be with you - seriously - to all of us. St. Martin, pray for us.

a litany for all saints

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 15:09:00 +0000

I want to name a few people who are not in this realm of existence any more, but who (I am confident) are with God in a fullness of Life that we cannot truly understand at this point. Not all of them are officially "canonized" - they don't have to be. I often ask my siblings in the heavenly arena to pray for me, for us. Our connection with them has not ended. The Communion of Saints includes both them and us. So here is my own personal litany...

Camilla Bauer - Pray for us
Killian Mooney - Pray for us
Matthew Fogarty - Pray for us
Jennifer Palmer - Pray for us
Mark Palmer - Pray for us
Chad Canipe - Pray for us
Thomas Merton - Pray for us
Patrick of Ireland - Pray for us
Columba of Iona - Pray for us
Francis of Assisi - Pray for us
Benedict of Nursia - Pray for us
Teresa of Avila - Pray for us
John of the Cross - Pray for us
Mary, Blessed Mother of God - Pray for us

Pray for us, our siblings, that we would see as clearly as you did, that our ears would be open to hear the Voice of God as yours were, that we would be filled with strength and Grace and courage as you were. Amen.

the real work

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 04:30:00 +0000

I've not nearly read enough of Wendell Berry. I have some, and what I have, I have liked a good bit. It connects with me, and you know how that is - not everything every other man writes does that. So I need to get me some more Berry.

Just tonight I saw this poem, which I have never read before, on a site. As I read it, I thought I may have been reading my own self. I'm not even sure what to say about it exactly - just wanted to share it. Yeah, this might be me a bit.

The Real Work
It may be that when we no longer know what to do
we have come to our real work,
and that when we no longer know which way to go
we have come to our real journey.
The mind that is not baffled is not employed.
The impeded stream is the one that sings.
-Wendell Berry

dark night 1:5:3

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 03:30:00 +0000

One more quote from St. John of the Cross - Book 1, Ch. 5 of Dark Night of the Soul - verse 3 - getting into how we view our own journey of spiritual growth.

"There are others who are vexed with themselves when they observe their own imperfectness, and display an impatience that is not humility; so impatient are they about this that they would fain be saints in a day. Many of these persons purpose to accomplish a great deal and make grand resolutions; yet, as they are not humble and have no misgivings about themselves, the more resolutions they make, the greater is their fall and the greater their annoyance, since they have not the patience to wait for that which God will give them when it pleases Him; this likewise is contrary to the spiritual meekness aforementioned, which cannot be wholly remedied save by the purgation of the dark night. Some souls, on the other hand, are so patient as regards the progress which they desire that God would gladly see them less so."

This is not exactly the same as scrupulosity, but it's similar and I'd say, related. Those of us who beat ourselves up over every tiny little "infraction" are dealing with the far end of the pride stick. The expectation of quick perfection in the spiritual life is a disastrous thing. First of all, it's a sure-fire recipe for being miserable - ALL the time. And it may even get to the point of rooting us right out of any kind of faith life. I guess that means we can actually beat ourselves to death - sort of.

"...so impatient are they about this that they would fain be saints in a day." I'll not go into different ideas of what a "saint" is. I think we're talking about a perfected human person here, re-made into the Image of Christ. So, if someone has the idea, for example, that once you know all the right beliefs, have studied all the right doctrine, etc., that you then "have no excuse" and are immediately able to always make the right decisions - uuuhh, you're in for a ride folks. This is not to understand the concept of spiritual development, formation - not understanding that simply because one is now a Christian, that one has (in a Catholic context for instance) gone through RCIA or CCD classes, any other Confirmation classes - this doesn't mean that one's insides have been transformed into the kind of "insides" that see as God sees, think as God thinks and act as God acts. None of that means that you are able to fully participate in your sharing of the Divine Nature as a Child of God. It's not just about making your mind up and deciding something.

Many young Christians (not just "young" chronologically) are done the disservice of being taught in this way. We simply do not seem to be telling people that this whole Christian "thing" is about being transformed into fully Human Beings (capitals on purpose) - into the kind of people He created us to be in the beginning. We do not seem to be telling people that simply because you know the "rules" doesn't mean you have the constitutional ability to follow them - oh, and that it's really not about following rules - Lord God have mercy. Tell people this, those who have a place to tell them. Please tell them that knowledge is not growth. Tell them that believing right things is not equal to being a right person. Tell them.

st. theresa of avila > prepare your will

noreply@blogger.com (+ Alan) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 03:25:00 +0000

Today is the feast day of St. Theresa of Avila. I've admired her writing and insights for a while. Mostly in Interior Castle. The concept she develops there of our lives as Christians being like being invited into the great castle of our King - our trip from the outer entry rooms, through to the inner rooms, and finally into the central chamber where the King Himself dwells - this has helped to form my own ideas of what the spiritual life is, how it works. Very helpful.

I can look back on several things I've written and see the influence very clearly. I hear it in how I talk about these things sometimes. God most definitely uses the other members of the Body of Christ to build us up, to teach us, inspire us. He gives us pieces of Himself through our siblings, and to them through us. He is slowly weaving us all into one unified cloth. In order for this to work properly, though, we have to be listening, paying attention.

Here are a couple or three good quotes that I have underlined in the past in Interior Castle - have fun...

"All that the beginner in prayer has to do - and you must not forget this, prepare himself with all possible diligence to bring his will into conformity with the will of God."

"Yet do not suppose God has any need of our works; what He needs is the resoluteness of our will."

"...although this work is performed by the Lord, and we can do nothing to make His Majesty grant us this favour, we can do a great deal to prepare ourselves for it."

Speaking of our union with God in that last small quote. The others, and the last quote, speak of our cooperative part in the process, which is not as we sometimes suppose. I've thought and said before, that really, all we are able to do, is to will to will the Will of God. I say "will to will" because we can't even grunt up the basic will to be in union with God on our own, without His Grace. But from the general, or prevenient (it is sometimes called) Grace given to all men, we are able to sense the Grace of God and, on a very base level, react to it - we can will to will His Will... and He moves... and the journey continues to it's completion.

So, we ourselves, don't do the actual work of transformation in our own selves. We cannot. He alone can do this work. We can do things to prepare for His working, though, and we should. We are doing that which helps to open our wills. We are stepping into the flow of the Great River, as it were. Thank you, St. Theresa, for listening in order to hear as clearly as you did - for passing those things onto us, your siblings in Christ. Pray for us, that we would hear and see and be even more.