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August 17, 2009
> 10:28 AM
mistakes, regrets and hankering I should have written "hankerin" - just doesn't sound right to say "hankerING." But, as with what I'm going to talk about, that's how it goes. That's how I wrote it. There are events in your life that play out in certain ways. Some you have little control over - they just happen around you and it's like you're watching a movie. Most personal life-events, though, are to some degree, bound up with our wills, our choices. They "play out" as they do partly because of how we choose to act or not act, as the case may be. We affect how the play moves and happens. OK, this is not a treatise on free will. These are just things connected to my thought process here. For the most part, I've been thinking about some of the decisions I made a couple of years ago in light of my discernment to come back into the Catholic Church. At the time this sense to "go back" came upon me, and that's what it was like, I was leading, pastoring, abbotting, a small faith community that met in our home. I was, and had been, a participant in a kind of grassroots dialogue taking place in certain sectors of the Church as a whole - in at least part of the whole "emerging church" scene. Then - well, then I sort of dropped it all like a hot potato. Not quite that drastic, but it seems a bit like that to me now. The way I handled all that, in part, I regret. At the time, I felt I needed to make a very clear break from one thing in order to pursue the other, so that's what I did. I'm not sure, in hind sight, that it really needed to happen that way. Maybe God had something in mind for me that I still don't totally understand. This is likely true for all of us to some extent I suppose. But I'm not sure that one can't still be involved in some sort of emerging type community and still be a part of another church, the Catholic Church in particular, in my case. I'm not sure one has to give up one voice in order to have another. Whatever voice I had or have is able to speak, if that's what God wants it to do, to whomever, whenever, wherever. There are certainly things in me that needed to be dealt with, and are still being dealt with by God. The one thing my spiritual director (whom I haven't seen in far too long) said to me early on in all this process, was, "maybe God is making you small, huh?" May be - and I still say to that - not fun, not at all. Is it supposed to be fun? No. I feel that, at least for a while, I became invisible, powerless and mute. This was, perhaps, necessary for a time. I think, though, that I'm starting to see myself in the mirror again, a little bit, and my voice is coming back - a little bit. I just have to listen and figure out what that means. So, I have made mistakes, I think, in how I handled some of my and my family's ecclesiastical transition. I'm sorry for that. Nothing I can do to change it now. God deals with more screwed up messes than that, I reckon. I lift all involved to His Grace and Mercy. I regret some of the ways things went down. And finally, I am beginning to have a hankerin' for something... something. Not just the monastery. That too. I have not let that die. I don't think God has let it die despite my lack of hope sometimes, my lack of faith. Maybe it's like someone who's a creative woodworker, who's an artistic carpenter, who has that gift and skill-set - if you close down your shop for a while and put your tools down, eventually the smell of saw-dust and mineral oil and stain will creep into your dreams. It won't totally go away. Then you have to discern - when do I want to go back into the shop, and what do I want to build when I get in there. Fill my mind and heart, Holy Spirit. Labels: catholic, church, emerging church, reversion 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | February 25, 2009 > 6:16 PM ashes The day of ashes. The beginning of Lent. I feel nothing. I have nothing great welling up inside me. I don't have any great attitude of sorrow or anything like that. I ate my one meal today like a good boy. I prayed the Office, Morning and Mid-afternoon prayer so far. Not much else. We will go to Mass tonight at 7:30 - that means we won't be able to parade around with dirty heads all day - oh well. I read something today about "freely chosen detachment from the pleasure of food and other material goods" being helpful for us as Christians in dealing with our brokenness, helping us focus on God, on our being fixed. I certainly agree. I can't help - I can't help it now I'm telling you - can't help but think - well, then, what help are canonically enforced detachments to our spiritual development? Freely chosen - hmmm. I will do my duty, but I will be sad that it's a duty. And I will do (or not do as the case may be) more - freely chosen! So, I start out like this - looks like we're in for a ride. Labels: catholic, lent, spiritual formation 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | January 30, 2009 > 8:10 PM when were the gangstas saved?  Another installment of the Liturgical Gangstas. Check us out over at the Internet Monk. This month's question went something like this...Someone comes to your office and asks you, “When were you saved?” What do you say? Interesting question for a mixed ecclesial crowd. Let me tell you, though, as a Catholic boy who hung out with a lot of evangelical protestant Christians in high school and college, I have heard versions of that question waaaay more times than I can count. "I know you say you're a Christian, but when exactly were you born again?" "Have you ever really asked Jesus into your heart?" "I know you go to church every week and pray and stuff but is Jesus Christ your personal Lord and Savior?" Oh man. I'm not huge on where Catholic apologetics is right now, but let me tell you something, when I was in college especially, I HAD to be an apologist. I absolutely had to be on my toes, know what I believed and why, etc. or I'd be toast. I had lots of very good relationships with my protestant friends in college, including my wife when I met her. And I believe that somehow I was a part of changing at least a few people's attitudes about Catholic Christians. We all learned to help each other, to be Christ to each other, to build each other up regardless of the tradition we were a part of. Labels: catholic, liturgical gangstas, soteriology 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | January 25, 2009 > 11:44 AM the pope and new technologies I don't have a major commentary on the Pope's new message to the world about New Technologies, etc. I have seen others commenting on it and so I finally read it this morning. I just wanted to say I think it's a good statement. It's a good message. And I think it's good that he put it out there. It's not what some have characterized it as being. I'm not sure what they read. It's not very long, first of all, so you can not be afraid to read it. Go and do so here if ye wish. Basically, 3/4 of it is talking about how these things are good and how we can use them to enhance our lives and our ministry as members of the Body of Christ, to communicate the Love of God to mankind, etc. He then rightly warns of the ways we need to be careful about things like the internet and social networking sites, etc. Be careful they don't replace real human interaction on an everyday level. Don't allow them to cheapen the concept of friendship. Be respectful and loving with those you encounter in cyberspace (wow - that one needs a headline in the blogosphere). All in all, good stuff. 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | January 02, 2009 > 3:46 PM basil & gregory > prayer number 4  Today is the feast of St.s Basil and Gregory (Nazianzen) - two of the great Eastern Fathers of the Church. I know this from the Office. I also happened to go to daily Mass today and Fr. John gave a little preamble about them. You can read a little about Basil here and Gregory here.Now, what really made me want to blog today was that also Fr. John chose to use Eucharistic Prayer No. 4 today at Mass, which he informed us was written, by and large, by St. Basil. I don't think I've ever heard it used before, not that I remember. It really is beautiful. And the deep connection with the ancient Church, praying this 1700 year old prayer, was striking a significant chord inside me. So, here it is... PrefaceSome of that will be very familiar to Catholics at least. But the longer sections are quite fuller. This prayer encopasses a more complete synopsis of our salvation history - very creedal in places. I typed all that so I hope there are no mistakes. Anyway, I thought the language was great and wanted to share it with you. Peace to you today. St.s Basil and Gregory, ora pro nobis. Labels: catholic, eucharist, liturgy, saints 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | December 08, 2008 > 9:38 PM just a li'll immaculate conception   Since it is the day - the Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception of Mary - I thought I'd put a little bit up in honor of our Mother. We went to Mass tonight at the Cathedral. Just a few thoughts...I never once worshiped Mary - hmm. You know, just sayin'. She was honored, and I obviously have no problem with that. Any good she had/has is due to God anyway. Even that she was preserved at the beginning from Original sin in order to one day carry God in her womb - even that was by God's Grace and by the Saving Power of her own Son. And such is what we heard tonight - any glory she has is a reflection of the Glory of that One over there to the right. The ultimate focus was on Him. Mary is us, our hope that we can also be in union with her Son. Lamb of God, you take away the sins of the world... this is the Lamb of God... Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed. ...And the Word has been said. And she heard it, heard Him, and bore Him saying, "May it be done to be according to your word." May we say the same. Pray for us Mother. 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | November 01, 2008 > 11:26 AM all saints > merton Well, happy feast of All Saints. Congratulations! Old blog readers here will have seen my write this before on All Saints Day. You'll get what I mean shortly. Here's the deal - we have a lot of friends in the Heavenly arena. Some we know only by reputation, some we have known personally in this life. Most of them aren't canonized "Saints" - that's fine, you don't have to be. Of course, there have been heroically holy people a'many who have passed over into the fullness of eternity with God whom we have no knowledge of whatsoever - probably several to whom the likes of St. Francis would tip his proverbial holy hat. Being a Saint is not about being canonized, it's about being wrapped up in the Life of God, about being transformed into the Image of Christ. The Church sometimes officially recognizes this reality in some of its members, but that has never meant that only those people are "in Heaven" and can be venerated or petitioned for their intercession. There's probably some overlap with tomorrow, All Souls Day, which is about all those who have died and gone before us, whether or not they have been officially recognized as "Saints."  And of course, we are Saints. Maybe we're just saints. I'd think if we are inhabited by the Life Essence of God, the same thing that has made the recognized Saints who and what they are, maybe we should capitalize our Saints too. Anyway, that's really neither here nor there. I have a treat for you today - no, not leftover candy...I've skimmed a few brief minutes from a recording of Thomas Merton teaching a conference to the younger monks at Gethsemani that I have. This particular tape (or CD, however you buy it) is called Sanctity. One side includes this talk from Gethsemani in the late 60's, about All Saints. The other side was recorded in Bangkok probably a week before he died. You can buy them at the Gethsemani book and gift store or from Credence Communications, who distributes them. > This is a great little section about All Saints, about us being Saints, Grace, etc. And there's a lot more laughing in here than you'd think from that picture over there (I wonder if he laughed when they had him stare out the window - funny). Happy All Saints from me and Big Tom. technorati tags > all saints, thomas merton Labels: catholic, church, merton, saints 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | October 30, 2008 > 9:42 AM the saints on halloween Thanks to Fr. Mark Mossa for posting this. I thought it was so good, I'm spreading it around even more. Fr. James Martin is a pretty funny guy, and a good communicator. I've always appreciated everything I've seen or read from him. This is no different. So, I hope you enjoy this little video as much as I did. There may even be a wee bit of edumacation in there for somebody. Peace and happy almost Halloween. 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | October 15, 2008 > 1:53 PM verbum today  Today I went to Mass at Noon. I do that sometimes - not every week, but here and there. I'm starting to think it would be good if I made it a regular practice, at least one daily Mass per week. Anyway, I went to St. Peter's, as usual, and as I was praying/sitting quietly before the Mass started, I was looking at the old Latin inscription that goes around the half-spherical cover that is over the high altar in the back of the Sanctuary there. I've cropped it out in the photo to the left. It's not very clear. I need to get a closer, more focused photo of that sometimes. It's a beautiful piece in itself - gold reflective under with the symbol of the Holy Spirit coming down as a dove, on the outside the Chi Rho at the top with vines and branches with grapes coming down, that inscription - it's a feast for meditative eyes. So, here is the inscription...ET VERBUM CARO FACTUM EST ET HABITAVIT IN NOBIS Today as I sat there, I was determined to figure out what that meant. So, eventually, with what knowledge of Latin I have, I did. It was very cool to be able to do that, first. And the translation was wonderful. I read it to myself several times again. And today - today, when thoughts of a conversation I've been involved in recently about the Word, how it's used, and to a degree how it's seen in Catholic circles, was rolling around in my head. AND THE WORD BECAME FLESH AND DWELT AMONG US And so HE did. Jesus, the Word of God. And I saw multiple meanings there - that inscription just above the tabernacle, and the Word read and spoken into our ears and hearts in the community of faith constantly, and Christ in us who now share in His Divine Nature. And at the Table of the Word today - the readings: Romans 8:22-27 and John 15:1-8 - even the Response - "Your Words, O Lord, are light and life." One more thing to tip things over - the old priest, at the end of the Gospel reading says, "please remain standing" - no homily. So, the Word was doing it's own work in our hearts. The Word, the Word, the Word everywhere - making His dwelling among us, in us. He is the Vine and we are the branches. As He lives in His Father, so we live in Him, and share their Life - that's the Gospel folks - the center and core. Labels: catholic, liturgy, spiritual formation 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | September 15, 2008 > 8:25 AM good news Just so you know, guess what in the heck was read out loud and publicly in the Mass yesterday. Of course we were all exalting the Cross and everything, and the Gospel comes... GospelWhadaya know about that? And the homily about that cross, that torturous crucifix that's in every Catholic church - how it's only the beginning and only has it's fully meaning in what happened three days later when He was raised from the dead. Good stuff. 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | September 06, 2008 > 4:54 PM quicktake cubed > politics, law, parenting That's nice and vague isn't it? Yes, it is. I'll try my best to de-vauge-ify it in the following blog post. I often think about many things, and very often too much. I "crank" on things - pushing the gears of my mind into overtime on certain things. This is OK sometimes, but often it's unhealthy. Whatever the case in the following list, here you go...
Labels: catholic, church, family, politics 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | August 27, 2008 > 10:02 AM ray ray, guitars, and holding hands   I love a quiet, stripped-down Mass. If I go to daily Mass it's usually there on the right - St. Peter's downtown. Usually not more than 20 people there at Noon. Very quiet, no singing, sometimes no homily, simple Mass. I like that a lot. I like singing too. It would seem that a lot of Catholic parish members do not, since they don't. Of course my kids don't either - I don't get it.Where we typically go to Mass is on the left - Christ the King, the Cathedral for the Lexington Diocese. 2,700 families it is said - families. Talk about a megachurch. Not nearly all of these "members" show up ever. If they did, they'd have to tack on 15 more Masses on the weekends. As it is, there are 5, including the Vigil on Saturday. We have become Sunday at 5pm folks. This is a Mass that many traditionalists would love to hate, I imagine. It's the LifeTeen Mass. For some of my Protestant friends, it's much like a Catholic Mass and a Vineyard service had a baby. Let me tell you something - I like it. Now, if you don't, well go to the 8:45am Mass. There's a very good choir, very traditional music, etc. Guess what? I like that too. I find no reason to pit one against the other. At the center, both are the Mass. There is a worshipful reverence at/in both. The Catholic Church is, after all, said to be the Church of the great both/and. That's a good thing if you ask me, which perhaps you didn't but oh well, there's a free one for you. Agnus dei, qui tollis pecata mundi, misserere nobis. Agnus dei, qui tollis pecata mundi, misserere nobis. Agnus dei, qui tollis pecata mundi, dona nobis pacem. We actually hear and pray this, in a certain form, at the Mass we attend. My kids love to kid, "Ray Ray was there tonight." They know what it means. I've made sure of that. And I like that. I like a bit of Latin every now and then. If I know what it means, it works. If not, from my heart, it's kind of pointless. Even though it has a sort of culturo-sentimental tug in my emotional area, I have no illusion that Latin is some kind of inherently holy language given by God. Of course, language in general was given by God, in a sense, as a way for us to communicate. Latin happened to develop in the Italian region in a certain time period, long before the Church was around, from other languages I'm sure. Same with Greek and even Hebrew and Aramaic. Under it all, they're just languages that people speak, or did speak, in certain areas of the world. Latin was sort of adopted by the Church for practical reasons at the time, since it was the common language that tied together most of the European known world at the time. This was so because of oppresive Roman conquest - imperialist expansion - so the reason that Latin was common was certainly not "holy" by any stretch of the imagination. It was simply baptized like many other things, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's smart actually. To hold on to it, or yearn for it as if it's an angelic tongue, though, is another thing. Not sure that's really something we need to be doing. I like guitars too, even when played in the Mass - oh my. Guitars are musical instruments, developed from other musical instruments that mankind has used over the millenia for entertainment, worship, etc. They are much like organs, instruments, except much more ancient, along with their forebears, the lute. Some like organs, some like guitars, some like banjos or fiddles (violins if you prefer, depends on how you play them). I'm not sure our time and energy is best spent trying to make cases about which one is somehow (and how this is done is beyond me and I'm pretty damn smart) more inherently "reverent" or condusive to worship than another. Let's stick with the great both/and and get on with it. Please. I could go on and on - and on, but I'll lose steam after a bit. Holding hands is good, for instance, but I don't prefer to do it when I'm praying the Our Father in Mass. You will find my hands raised in the Orans position though. What I also don't do is gaze around to see all the other hand-holders while grinding about how somehow horrible that is in my heart - while praying the Our Father. OK, that really is it for today. It's a fine soft day out there, as they say in Ireland. We have a constant fine mist of rain blowing around today - just like Erin. The garden will love that. Pax vobiscum. Labels: catholic, church, liturgy 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | August 09, 2008 > 10:15 AM catholic emerging church conference? How veeerry interesting, said he. Thanks to Ryan Taylor for pointing this out. Of course, this is nothing "official" like a bunch of Bishops got together and are hosting this or the Vatican said, "hey, let's check out this emerging church thing" - nothing like that. But it's Catholics and Protestants, and "post-Protestants" I imagine, getting together to talk about such things under one roof. I think that's pretty damn cool - at least the idea of it is, to me. This deal is being hosted by Fr. Richard Rohr's Center for Action and Contemplation in New Mexico. You can go here to see more details about the conference. I haven't looked at the price yet - hopefully it's not an arm and a leg breaker like many of them are. Of course, it's in New Mexico so driving might be prohibitive for us East of the Mississipi folk. We shall see. If you know me, you know I don't get too excited about conferences of this type. I've been more than my share of cynical about them, even the ones I've helped host. None of these big-shots make my hair follicles tingle any more. If anything, a big-shot name list makes me want to stay home and hang out with people on a porch somewhere. This, though, is interesting just because of the Catholic context, the ecumenical context. For the most part, I'm thinkin' not too many Catholics are even aware of any such thing as "the emerging church." Brian Mc-Who?? Doug Who-gitt? Yeah, they're not going to know who that is. Are any Catholics interested, who know what the heck it is, for any other reason than that soon there will innevitably be a new crop of converts to the Reeeaal Church out of this bunch? You may not want to answer that, I may pop an aneurism. And I'm quite aware that some very conservative Catholics are familiar with Richard Rohr and would be hard-pressed to call him "Father." Oh well, I'm not that super-familiar with him really. What I've heard or read has been decent though. Let's not make it about that. Let's just not. I'd like to go to this thing if for no other reason than to just be a proverbial "fly on the wall." I want to hear what's said and see what happens. You never know, I may just add another state to my list come next March. Labels: catholic, ecumenism, emerging church 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | August 02, 2008 > 9:59 AM liturgical prayer > recall  Two years ago, almost exactly, I hosted a small liturgical prayer seminar in our home. My friend Pete Matthews was my co-conspirator. We asked our friend Dave Nixon to come from Cincinnati to help lead the discussion. It turned out a very helpful time both for those of us who were already familiar with this kind of prayer, as well as for some who weren't.A week or so ago, Peter posted 3 Reasons to Pray the Daily Office, which reminded me of the seminar and the fact that I recorded it as it happened and posted the files on my blog. So, I'm reposting them again here in case anyone's interested in listening in on some conversation about liturgical prayer. It gets very interesting in places. Again, they're not short, and the sound quality is not professional, but it's worth a listen I think. Let me do this too: I'll post my original sort of disclaimer I put as I offered these files before... There were about 15 people present from various church backgrounds, all sharing their own stories and experiences as they relate to liturgical prayer, community life, etc. I'm sure a couple of things were said in reference to some denomination or tradition or another. Please don't take offense - we weren't making grandiose "statements" as a unit about anything. Just wanted to make that brief disclaimer. I hope the content of the seminar is helpful to someone. Peace.> Liturgical Prayer Seminar - Part One (approx. 20mb > Liturgical Prayer Seminar - Part Two (approx. 18mb) Somehow, I feel as if part of my vocation in life is to help people understand things like this, this kind of prayer, this sort of life-rhythm, among other things. It seems I've been doing this for the last few years. I pray that God gives me the Grace to continue doing so. Labels: catholic, ecumenism, liturgical prayer, liturgy, prayer 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | June 03, 2008 > 12:42 PM christian humor > saints > church I just finished watching these 3 videos about the value of humor in the Christian life. Very good stuff from Fr. James Martin, S.J. I actually saw James on the Colbert Report (which I don't watch regularly, just happened to see it) once. Anyway, check this 3-part deal out as he addressed a publishing convention. Very funny - good thing considering the subject matter. Many, many of us (Christians of whatever stripe) take ourselves MUCH too seriously. Laughing is far too foreign to us. These are helpful words for sourpusses. Peace and laughter. technorati tags > christian humor, catholic humor, james martin sj 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | May 30, 2008 > 10:33 AM most sacred heart  This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the Lord. I will place my law within them, and write it on their hearts; I will be their God, and they shall be my people. –Jeremiah 31:33 Today is the Solemnity of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus. I like it. I like that particular icon of the Sacred Heart a lot. You can find it here. A detailed description of the icon with all it's symbolism explained can be found here. Very interesting. Here is a little piece of that description, about the image of the Sacred Heart itself, in the center... The Sacred Heart in the center of the image is topped with a flame signifying God’s passionate love for humankind. The heart bears within it the symbols of Christ’s Passion; the cross, the crown of thorns, the nails, the spear that pierced His side, and the reed with a sponge. The heart shows a slash on the side from the spear, symbolizing the Lord’s anguish caused by the rejection of His Word by His people. The chalice is positioned to catch the Blood of Christ, brought to us in the Eucharist.Great image - just a very helpful devotion to the deep, loving heart of Jesus - a great way of meditating on how much He loves us and what that love did/does for us. The small Latin phrase at the bottom, which you can't see in this image well enough, says cor ad cor loquitor - hearts speaks to heart. It would do us well to regularly meditate on this amazing truth, that His desire is for His Heart to "speak" directly to our hearts - to transform us into His Image. technorati tags > sacred heart, jesus Labels: catholic, spiritual formation 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | May 20, 2008 > 8:50 PM confirmed  Well, as of tonight, one journey is over. This is my family receiving the Sacrament of Confirmation - being received into full communion with the Catholic Church. Thier sponsors (or proxies thereof) are behind them. Our friend, my spiritual director, Fr. Louis Lipps, is presiding there. It was a very simple, sparsely attended daily Mass today at 5:30pm. I like that it was simple this way. I'm very proud of my children today. They said "yes" to Jesus. They received more of His Grace to live that "yes." I love my wife, but I'm not so much "proud" of her as happy for her that this part of the road is over and now we can settle in and live it out. Things will not be perfect now. Difficulty is not over. We shouldn't think it is. One journey has ended... and another begun. Labels: catholic, church, family, personal 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | May 19, 2008 > 3:31 PM too long delayed Here's a very timely and interesting quote from Fr. Karl Rahner that I ran into a little while back. I don't really feel the need to comment further. It's just a good quote and I thought I'd share it here ...the Church is today caught up in a transformation. Probably this has been too long delayed. For people used to think it a special Christian virtue, the salvation of an imperiled world, intransigently to insist on what had always been the case; and therefore this transformation is now coming very suddenly, and with all the typical features and dangers that arise when something in itself necessary has to be "caught up with" too quickly. Yes a transformation of this kind is necessary if the Church does not want to remain the Church of the peasant and petit-bourgeois classes particular to late European modernity, with ever decreasing membership, but instead to become a Church for the kind of society that has a future. This transformation in the Church is difficult because is has begun too late. It involves the danger of betraying the true substance of Christianity. It is painful. It brings the different levels of the Church, which are at different stages in their awareness, into conflict with each other. But it cannot be avoided – indeed it is still not being engaged in with anything like sufficient seriousness. technorati tags > church, catholic church, change in the church, karl rahner Labels: catholic, church, rahner 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | May 14, 2008 > 11:16 AM the faithful  I hear this from time to time, and it never fails to bother me. The terms "faithful Catholic" and conversely, "unfaithful Catholic" are thrown around a good bit, especially in the blogosphere. They are almost always used by Catholics in the very conservative arena to describe either themselves (the faithful) or to describe Catholics, well maybe they're Catholics, who have issues with some of what the Catholic Church teaches, some of it's theology or practice (the unfaithful).Very simplistically speaking, the story goes that if you put all your beebees, all your mental trust, without reservation of any kind, into the Magisterial basket - if there is no point of doctrine that you simply cannot assent to (as it is presently stated and understood) - if the Catechism is quite enough for you, no more discussion or struggle needed - then you are... a faithful Catholic. On the other hand, if you hear or read what the Magisterium has laid out there and on some points you just can't grab hold - if you (just as an example) simply cannot accept the presently stated and understood concept of mortal sin (even though you've theologically struggled through this and have over-thoughtfully and prayerfully come to your position) - if you aren't very fond of some of your Church's present disciplines (having come to the conclusion that some of them can be, in fact, harmful instead of helpful) - if, perhaps, you feel free to open your mouth and speak your conscientious thoughts and convictions and they happen to run contrary to the present letter of Catholic Magisterial teaching - then you are, pour soul, one of the unfaithful. Some of you can see why this would bother me. Part of it is because, guess where I end up on this set of scales? Go ahead, guess. Never mind, I'll tell you - I am, apparently, an unfaithful Catholic. Some might even say that makes me not a Catholic at all. They might say I'm a Protestant already in my thoughts and actions so I might as well just go ahead and be one. Maybe they're right. I wonder that sometimes myself. Interesting thought. Is there not room for what some call a faithful dissent in some areas? I mean a dissent (as I see it, an inability to assent with good conscience) that is prayerful, thoughtful, educated and conscientious - not one that is apathetic or born of a desire to engage in some inordinate behavior or because you are swept away by the worldly culture around you. Also, not a dissent that is all about carrying picket signs or causing a whole bunch of trouble. I mean being a thinker, one who needs to, and is perhaps called to, work things out and not simply accept the status quo without question. This is what seems like it could be a healthy dissent. Maybe we should stop calling it "dissent" at all, that word having such a negative connotation in this discussion. It's definitionally correct I suppose - assent vs. dissent and all that. I guess my point is that "dissent" in this arena doesn't need to mean that you hate the Church and you want to blow it all up in favor of some wild, opposite alternative. This is how it's characterized sometimes though, which is unfortunate. Perhaps I'm just taking seriously my part in the Sensus Fidelium - the sense of the faithful - realizing that the Holy Spirit of Truth lives in, acts in and speaks to me as a member of the mystical Body of Christ... too. The protection we have from God from going over the cliff as far as error is concerned is more complicated than just, "the Pope said it, that settles it." The members of the Body who don't wear collars are not simply faceless, spiritless, sheep. We are all incorporated into Jesus, and are the fullness of Him who fills all things in all places (Eph. 1:22-23). And no, I'm not talking about sitting around making it all up for ourselves. If you think that's what I'm talking about, well, you can think what you like, but it's not nearly what I'm referring to. Things in this broken, human world are not that cut and dry. They are complicated. The Church and everything that makes her tick, is complicated. The Holy Spirit and how He works in the Church and in the world is not entirely quantifiable. Yes, He may have given us certain assurances that we wouldn't ultimately go over the edge, but all manner of things can happen before that. We (Catholics) get all manner of flack from some quarters of the Protestant world about how we have contradicted ourselves over the years, about how we will never give a straight answer about how the Catholic Church has, or has not, been wrong here and there down through the centuries. Can we just give somebody a straight-up answer that yes, the Catholic Church has been wrong, has grown and changed and developed and corrected itself many, many different times. I just said it. It doesn't bother me. It doesn't make my head spin. Are there contradictory stances within her? Sure. What do you expect? Have Popes contradicted each other - even? Certainly they have. Like I said - a broken mess, all of us. Yeah, yeah, I know all the definitions... Holy Spirit... infallibility... teaching authority... et cetera. Some of it is troublesome, I'll hand you that on a platter, but that doesn't negate it all. Even if, as I see it, some of it is not that well defined, or is too defined, it still doesn't take the whole house down. It doesn't have to. I've wandered in this essay. It's already too long for a decent blog post. I'm even fairly afraid to post it, how about that? I'm really not looking for a big argument. I'm certainly not looking to be scolded by anyone. OK, there are my insecurities out on the table. Oh, and I'm not looking to institute any clown Masses any time soon either - holy crap! What I'm talking about is a little deeper and more complex than that. One more thought I had was that, practically speaking (and this is worth taking into consideration, and not just from a populist viewpoint), in the sensus fidelium arena, unless you want to take on a sort of fortress, we're the tiny remnant of true Catholic Christianity attitude, the vast majority of Catholics in the United States (and I doubt it's only the US, but that's all we hear about mostly) are unfaithful Catholics. That's most members of most parishes, and it can't all be chalked up to "bad catachesis" or "those pitiful seminaries after Vatican II." There are probably a lot of factors. I'm not trying to define them here. What I might be saying, at least in part, is that some of this is not bad - some of it is perhaps about the Holy Spirit slowly working a correction in through the People of God. Please don't hem me into some liberal corner either. I just said what I said. I didn't say what you're thinking I said. That I have to say that is pretty funny anyway. OK, that's enough of this. If I post this it'll be a tiny miracle - we can attribute it to the intercession of Thomas Merton, how about that monk-fans? Pax vobiscum. technorati tags > church, catholic church, faithful catholics, unfaithful catholics, sensus fidelium, faithful dissent 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | May 05, 2008 > 2:40 PM on may 5th or thereabouts Get ready for some prime blog rehash! You've got to dip back into your archives sometimes to keep things rollin' you know. So here we go. I went back to several previous May 5th posts, or as close to May 5th as I could get. One is an awesome two-part series which is very relevant to (and seeded mind you) my recent post about union with God. There's another soteriological post in the list too - woo hoo! What can I tell you - these are the things I think and wrestle around with in my mind. I may have even evolved a little more since some of this, but I think it's still good. Some of the comments are interesting too - if you get froggy, try to read them as well - even if they say there are (0) comments, they're there.
technorati tags > union with god, christian mysticism, soteriology, theology, salvation Labels: catholic, liturgical prayer, liturgy, spiritual formation, theology 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | April 25, 2008 > 10:14 AM me and my story  I was poking around yesterday and found a podcast that was done fairly recently, interviewing myself about my recent story as well as talking about some other interesting things about church life, etc. I realize that some of you may not have heard me talk about this, not in this way at least. As I listened to it again last night, it became apparent to me that I "sound" much different than I "read" sometimes. My friends Kevin Rains and D.G. Hollums are doing a podcast called Praxis (nice logo, yeah that was me, hire me). I was apparently their inaugural show, very cool. You can take a listen to that here. While you're over there you can subscribe to the podcast I'm sure. Peace.Labels: catholic, church, emerging church, personal 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | April 24, 2008 > 10:24 PM church, money, future conversation Well, this ought to be interesting. There's a bit of a blog-versation going on among some of my friends about the future of the church, how it conducts itself, how and where churches come together for worship, how ministers/pastors/priests are supported by their communities - all in light of possible coming monetary problems, financial crisis, etc. You can check their musings out first if you like to keep in stride...
I spent quite a few years with my mouth wide open about how large church buildings that depend on quite a bit of money and ministers who depend on salaries that suck the life out of a congregation are bad for the Church as a whole - that they put our focus on the wrong things and help perpetuate a way of being Christian which is not quite what I'm thinking Jesus intended. Now, some may think, here I am in the biggest, richest, most opulent ecclesiastical institution of them all - shut up! I guess technically they'd be right. Nothing like Rome for some gold and stained glass and seeeeeriously whoopdeedoo vestments. Right. Nothing like the Vatican's stash. Right. And those Cathedrals! Holy, well holy cathedral Batman! Show me the MONAAAAY! Rome doesn't fund local Catholic parishes by the way - just thought I'd through that in there. There's a lot of medieval mess in all that. There's a ton of leftover, as Jason mentioned, deeply "Christendom" ideas floating around this ancient church. And yes, I believe it's a problem, one not easily or quickly solved. Some of the defense behind some of these things is a sort of anti-Gnostic, matter and things here on earth are important, beauty draws us to contemplate God, He is worthy of something amazing and cool like that kind of thing. Can you see where that's coming from without me having to write another book on it? I can see some of it, but not all of it. I can understand an attitude that God in His infinite wonder and wants to reflect that around us in a context of worship - sacred space and all that. I get that. I love beautiful spaces. I'd rather be in a beautiful, sacred space than in a corny, goofy lookin' space. We're human. We're of this earth. It matters. BUT, how much does it matter? In what way does it matter? I think we've too easily answered these questions. We've adopted answers that aren't "our" answers over the years and unfortunately they have stuck with us and we've developed apologies for them. How about the beauty of simplicity? Can I get some Franciscan love up in this joint? Is Jesus really looking for golden thrones and million dollar sanctuaries? It seems odd for a God who once tried to convince us that He doesn't dwell structures built by human hands - doesn't it? It does. Oh, I know, the Blessed Sacrament (pardon me for a second guys) - yes, I do believe in His Real Presence in the Sacrament. But then there's that animal stall in Bethlehem, those dirty streets He walked on, the humble, normal house he lived in - all that. This is only part of my point. To me, opulence and finery are a very surface way of getting the point across, of showing respect. It's not evil, necessarily, but it's also not necessary. Simple, normal, regular, how about that? Things seem to be moving in a direction that might cause us all to have to rethink what we spend, what we build, how we pay our staff, etc. Catholic, Protestant, Orthodox, whatever - things will change and we will all have to face it sooner or later. This all makes me remember a story an old Priest told me about something a friend said to him who had spent a lot of time in Rome, that the best thing that could happen to the Catholic Church is for an oppressive government to take over and strip it of all it's wealth, tear the external institution down and push it back into the catacombs. OK, the catacombs part was my creative addition, but you get my point. And it's not only the Catholic Church but much of the rest of the whole Church - let us all lose the ability to own buildings, to pay our leaders or our tax exemptions. Bring it! Where would our focus be then? Maybe on the Kingdom of God, something novel like that. It's time for some Body of Christ creativity. Maybe we should start practicing now - maybe. Lord have mercy. technorati tags > church, church buildings, church and money Labels: catholic, church, emerging church 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | April 21, 2008 > 11:16 AM pope > scandal > priesthood  "See ya later, byyye, byye" - Well, the Pope has left us. The big visit is over. Whheewww, I'z gettin' worried that he was 'gonna show up and start askin' me questions. I was spared! OK, I wasn't really worried about that, but it sounded funny anyway. I didn't wear myself watching every little bit of the coverage. I caught some here and there. Don't take that to mean anything except that I'm just not "star-struck" by His Holiness I guess. I do like this Pope. I've said that before, for the most part. I do believe he has surprised many people who thought he'd be a certain kind of Pope. I said this before - a gentle mystic at heart, I think so.I was duly impressed by his straight-on dealing with the sex-abuse scandal mess. Of course that doesn't quite finish the job, but he needed to do that, he knew that, and he did some important things. Meeting with victims was big I think. Again, lots more needs to happen, I'm not even sure what, but big things. And all that not just in the ranks of the hierarchy - if general population Catholics would just get how awful this was/is, that would be nice. There's still too much mental sweeping under the carpet. We don't want to get it, so we come up with ways to say that it wasn't as bad as the evil media makes it, etc., etc. Yeah, just stop, look at it square in the face, take upon your soul what some of these victims have gone through, be quiet and pray. I've heard wind of many people equating mandatory priestly celibacy with the cause for all that. If you know me, you know I'm not fan at all of the present discipline of the Latin Rite of the Catholic Church. I honestly think it's a bad thing for the Church in its present mandatory form. But I don't think you can pin this sex abuse business on that discipline. This is two different arenas. There are many very good reasons to lift that discipline tomorrow. I personally think the Holy Spirit is saddened by it. And again, should there be celibate clergy? Sure, but only for those to whom the celibacy charism is given, and guess what? that's doesn't equal all who are or who are called to be Priests. Enough of that. I think a deeper reason and at least partial "cause" that has lead us to this point over years and years and years is this: the development in the Catholic Church of a super-human, super-spiritual view of the Priesthood and Religious life, especially a Monastic vocation. There has been, and still is to a large extent, a view of that kind of vocational life as one that is on another level of existence. If one becomes a Priest or a Monk, one will be made so holy that pesky problems like, say a homosexual orientation or a a sexual attraction to children, will likely be melted away in the swirling mass of, well, whatever it is that one believes would sweep such a thing away and take care of such problems. Mind you, this is a very brief statement of a theory I have about this. It would be difficult to go into it fully here. And I'm not saying this is the sole reason for the problem. I'm saying I believe this kind of view has been a part of it. These men naively believe they will be "healed" and it doesn't happen and there you have a bigger problem. I really doubt many, if anyone, is trying to be sneaky and hide in the Priesthood in order to be a predator. Someone may have, I don't know, but I don't think that's enough people to talk about. I think there was/is a sincere, yet unfortunately mistaken, notion that their sickness will be "hidden," aka "swallowed up" in their vocation and they won't have to deal with it again - not so much. No one Sacrament is going to substitute for years of inner spiritual formation that must be done on many fronts and in many ways. It cannot, even Holy Orders, even the Eucharist alone. So, how we can foster a better, more human, less "super holy" view of these kinds of vocations (they're not the only vocations given by the Holy Spirit in the Church), I'm not sure. It'll take a lot, I'll tell you that, and probably a long time. I pray it happens though, in whatever varied ways it needs to happen. Just some thoughts on a Monday morning. Pax vobiscum. technorati tags > pope benedict xvi, catholic sex abuse scandal, catholic priesthood Labels: catholic, leadership, spiritual formation 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | April 14, 2008 > 9:36 PM and then there's... That's a silly title isn't it? Yes, it is. You're right. You have no idea what the post is about really so you don't know whether it'll be worth reading. Hell, I don't know yet if it'll be worth writing, so I feel your pain. On being a theo-blogger: I don't know what to say about it really. In my blogging history, I guess I've been considered a theological and ecclesiological thinker. People seem to like what I have to say about certain things. A few might think I'm a nut, but whatever, maybe they're right a little bit. I've appreciated being able to write things that connect with people over the years. I do actually plan to take a lot of these things, and some more, and publish them in the form of a book one day. That might be fun. Anyway, I want to keep doing this, but honestly, as a Catholic it's a little harder to know what to say. That might sound odd, with the rich, deep well that is the world of Catholic theology. I'm not, nor am I trying to be, some kind of official "Catholic theologian." I doubt I'll ever be one of those. I tend to skip around a little more in the mystical theology arena anyway. I guess that's a bit more "open." I doubt I'll be winning any Catholic blogger awards any time soon either. That's fine. I'll just be a blogger, who's a Christian, who's a Catholic - that'll work I reckon. On doing "ministry" in the Church: This one has got me stimied. I'm so stimied, uhh, I'm not even sure what to say. Only scattered phrases come to mind... Too much. Closed. Who has time for that? I have bills to pay. Why? Why not? Too long, too hard. I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. To a degree, I know my giftings and my potential. I know what I have done and, again - to a degree, what I can do (by His Grace in and through me). Don't get me wrong, being a Lector, a Cantor, or even a Eucharistic Minister is great. I've done all these things in the past and will probably end up doing one or more of them in the future - but this is not quite what I'm talking about. It'll be an interesting road. I know where part of it will lead already. That hasn't changed. That call, for me, is undeniable - a rural monastic community which acts as a place of contemplative formation, learning, and refreshing retreat - a different sort of monastery - I look forward to that. I guess that's it tonight. My life is weird right now. It feels very weird. I don't even know why or what that means altogether. I'm trying to move along with it, trying to cope, hopefully more than cope. Labels: blogging, catholic, personal 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | April 04, 2008 > 1:23 AM into one body The reading from Mid-morning prayer this morning in the Office... It was in one Spirit that all of us, whether Jew or Greek, slave or free, were baptized into one body. All of us have been given to drink of the one Spirit.I'm not too keen on Catholics gearing this to say "...oh, and that one Body is us, only us and the rest of you are out of luck." I know, I know - "it's your Church that says these things, deal with it buddy, or you need to get out" - oh, and, AND (from the Catholics), "You may not like it but we ARE THE one true Church, and that's just it, deal with it buddy, bend your neck or get out." That mess just pisses me off so don't say that. I know this too (I'm real smart by the way) - not all Protestants think like that or would say that AND not all Catholics would say anything like that. I know that so don't start. But it IS out there and it's common enough to take note of, and it's hard for me, in my present circumstance, not to take note. I know also that many Catholics, especially converts from Protestant Churches it seems, take great comfort in the "One True Church" thing. This is why many of them converted. They are convinced this is the only way to go, that nothing else is really legitimate, so the choice is fairly limited. I understand the excitement something like this can instill. I get the great value placed on the ancient nature of the Catholic Church and all it has kept intact for nearly 2,000 years. I understand that this has also been the fuel that has reignited the fire in many a cradle Catholic as well. I see and understand these things. I want to say, though, that I think there are other ways one can be a Catholic Christian, other reasons to love the Catholic Church than because of any exclusivity claims. Personally, I have to look past the exclusivity claims, whether they are made by the Church authorities or by her members, in order that they don't overshadow what love I have for Catholic Christianity which is not based in this thinking. The whole Church, all of us, every institutional expression, every so-called non-institutional expression, and every individual member, is screwed up. We are collectively not ideally what we were designed to be. I believe there are ancient, True, beautiful, and amazing things in the Catholic Church that have been more fully maintained than in many other strains of the Body of Christ. There are things, I believe, that have been forgotten or lost in the Catholic arena as well - yes eeeeven in the Catholic Church. Even inside the beauty, there is some ugliness. Sure, like I said, I believe there is a certain fullness to be found in the big old walls of the Catholic Church. Does this mean to me that there is none of that fullness found anywhere else ecclesiastically speaking? It doesn't mean that to me. Perhaps, you may say, as a Protestant or as a Catholic, that I need to rethink my deal. Look, I'm always rethinking my deal. I'm always trying to listen to God and sense the Holy Spirit. I believe I have a decent ability to "hear God" leading me in my life. I can certainly miss it. I'm a part of the broken Body of Christ. Even though there may be a certain fullness here or there, some things forgotten or lost in this or that place, we are ALL still a part of this broken, yet to be fully transformed Body. One of the best things we could probably do along the way is at least recognize that and live with each other on that level, as the diversely scattered fellow members of the One Body of Christ. Oh, all you members of the Body, Catholic, Protestant, Orthodox, Coptic, etc. - please pray for my Dad if you think about it. He's in the hospital (fine right now), but he has developed a couple more major artery blockages and will need another bypass surgery soon. Thanks. Peace to you. technorati tags > body of christ, the church, catholic church Labels: catholic, church, ecumenism 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | March 27, 2008 > 12:33 PM easter time > et cetera Well, Easter is here, still with us, finally. Was Lent 80 days this time or what? Lots of Alleluias and all that. Once again, I really have yet to feel an Alleluia in my soul. Perhaps I don't have to, but it would be nice. Rainy, rainy day in Kentucky today, as Bryan has already pointed out. We have some thunderstorms moving through. I love them too. I remember sitting on our porch when I was a kid, with my Dad, watching and listening to them. I want a porch or deck now that I can do that on. Soon, perhaps. I may invite some of you to the "deck raising." I love the rain actually. I know, generally speaking, it's considered "dreary" and "depressing," but I like a good rain. Look, I don't have to have rain to be depressed. I'm good at that in all weather - seriously people. I love the sound of it. I love the smell of it - have you not smelled rain? You just want to breathe your lungs full of it. Once upon a time I remember telling friends of mine when they asked me, "Why don't you go back to the Catholic Church?" - I remember telling them, "I don't think I could do it - just too much to wade through." That was my standard answer. Well, I'm sort of coming face to face with that - have been for the last year nearly. I have to tell you, I'm finding that I was right to a certain extent. There is certainly some shit to wade through. It could be simpler. Some days I wonder what I have undertaken, especially for my family. It could be a LOT simpler for those who are already committed Christians from other traditions. And yes, I know I've done my share of whining about all this, and I'm probably not finished. For some reason, I thought I'd be done with the process by now. I thought we'd all be done with it by now. I thought amiss. My courage is no longer fading. I fear it is gone. Yeah - not 'gonna be on Journey Home any time soon I don't reckon - ha. Grace and Peace to you. technorati tags > spring, rain, easter, catholic reversion Labels: catholic, easter, reversion, weather 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | March 20, 2008 > 10:43 AM holy thursday thoughts Holy Thursday - the culmination of Lent, the beginning of the three big days of Easter. I think I'm actually looking forward to going to Mass tonight. Here's what's not much to look forward to: not being there with anyone else who looks forward to it. Liz has to work tonight, so I'll be dragging the three kids that live at home now along with me. Yes, I'm making them go. This WILL be as much of a family thing as I can get it to be. But that's not pleasant at all for me really. They'll survive I'm thinkin'. They may even be fed in some way that even they are not acutely aware of. I pray that will be so. We'll be taking part in the whole Triduum liturgy, so there will be ample opportunity for something to sink in. I admit, I have sentimental affection for the Holy Week liturgies, from younger days. I would be very pleasantly surprised if any of what I'll be participating in this week comes close to measuring up to those notions in my head and heart. They don't have to. I know that. It would just be nice. I also have this odd juxtaposition in my head between this year and last year about this time. Last year at the Easter Vigil, the community I lead and our friends as the local St. Patrick's Anglican church worshipped together. I was wearing an alb and stole and preaching the homily. This year, not so much. There is, in that, an odd mixture of comfort at being "back home" and the discomfort of the feeling of loss. I ask for Grace to learn how to deal with that. Tonight - the Mass of the Lord's Supper - the initiation of the Holy Eucharist that we still share. Thanksgiving. I am thankful for the Eucharist. At every Mass, this is my highlight - feasting on His Mystical and Sacramental Presence - tangibly taking Him into myself - saying yes to His offering of Himself to me, to all of us. Do I understand it? Not totally. Do you? Let me answer that for you - No. Do we need to fully understand it in order to share in it? I would hope not. Is there some faith that is required? I think so - just as in hearing Him in His Word - for that to actually affect us, we need to mix what is heard with faith. In the Eucharist as well, it seems, we need to mix with faith our reception of the Sacrament in order for Grace to be "activated" inside us. I'm not sure we can neatly quantify this faith, number it and lay it out. Faith in... the fact that He IS present, really present, Sacramentally; His love for us and desire to heal us from our brokenness; the fact that some kind of real substantive transformation will happen in us as we receive Him and His Life in this way. I pray His Presence will permeate me, my family and all of you during these holy days, and continue to do so even when the days aren't called holy. technorati tags > holy thursday, eucharist, holy week Labels: catholic, easter, liturgy 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | February 06, 2008 > 1:27 PM ashes, ashes, we've all fallen down I just thought that was cleaver, so there. Which mean, probably, that somebody's said it before at some point - oh well. It's Ash Wednesday - that means the beginning of the liturgical season of Lent. Today - I feel nothing. Maybe that's good. It's not about feeling anything I don't guess. I wonder, when I speak in a rather colloquial manner, do certain people tune me out as possibly someone who has little of substance to say? Interesting question in the middle of my thought-train there. So, like I said, Lent begins today and even though I don't feel anything about it really, I do have a couple of thoughts...
technorati tags > lent, liturgy, catholicism, lenten disciplines Labels: catholic, church, lent, liturgy 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | January 25, 2008 > 12:02 PM once upon a time... Once upon a time...
technorati tags > blogging, catholic church, fly fishing Labels: blogging, catholic, fishing, personal, reversion 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | January 17, 2008 > 11:48 AM jekyll & hyde OK, please do yourself a favor and go read this. It's a fairly lengthy blog post by Fr. Al Kimel about our views of God's love, forgiveness, how we look at sin, etc. He's mostly interacting with thoughts expressed in a book by Dominican theologian Fr. Herbert McCabe. I've added a new book to my wish list now. Good stuff. It will be challenging for some to read, but it's good. I snagged this particular quote from Fr. Alvin's post, just to wet the appetite... "It is very odd that people should think that when we do good God will reward us and when we do evil he will punish us. I mean it is very odd that Christians should think this, that God deals out to us what we deserve. … I don't believe in God if that's what he is, and it is very odd that any Christian should, since there is so much in the gospels to tell us differently. You could say that the main theme of the preaching of Jesus is that God isn’t like that at all" (God, Christ and Us, p. 11) technorati tags > god's love, forgiveness, sin 0 comments
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permalink | e-mail me | January 12, 2008 > 12:15 AM what we discern Reading some interesting posts and comment threads over at Internet Monk has made me think about some things. I have to take opportunities like this to blog, even on the weekends, and roll with them, as they come sparingly of late. My thoughts this morning are revolving around the notion of why one would choose to "convert" from one church tradition to another, especially from being a Protestant of some sort to the Catholic Church. I'm thinking mostly about the discernment of such a thing, such a leading. As most of you regular readers and friends know, last June I made the definite step of "reverting" to the Catholic Church. Reverted in that I was a Catholic Christian before, moved into other Christian territory for about 18 years, then came back. A little detail of my history that many of you also know, but some may not, is that I was not raised in the Catholic Church, in a Catholic family at all. My parents are both from Protestant families, one Methodist and the other grew up with a mixed influence of both "hard-shell" or Primitive Baptist and Pentecostal Holiness traditions. He, my Dad, never embraced either. So, I wasn't raised in any church. I'll skip the whole story, but influence upon influence, some intentional, some "accidental" lead me to wake up spiritually at the age of 12 and start seeking - which ended in going through Instructions with a Priest and being Baptized, Confirmed and receiving Communion in the Catholic Church at 13. There's that. I think that was relevant somehow, we'll see. Anyway, I eventually drifted (this is how I see it sort of) into independent charismatic realms and then into very active ministry and life inside what is known as the emerging church. At one point when we had (my Southern Baptist wife and I) started going to a charismatic church, getting more involved after a while, I a very distinct and memorable spiritual experience as I heard the Lord saying to me (not audible, burning bush, stay with me here), "I want you over here for a while so I can teach you some things." The "over here" was in that church, as opposed to being Catholic at the time. I cried, literally, even though I was sort of in that church, I didn't want to not be Catholic - "why?" Everything I heard Him saying inside myself was very gentle and calm - "I just want you over here for a while" - well, I didn't really want to, and I had taken a long time before that, and some after probably, to think and pray through this thing, and finally said, "OK, I'll go." Some of you harder-core Catholics might be checking out about now, thinking that God would never lead anyone out of the Catholic Church. Oh well, I'll risk saying that I still have no reason not to believe that was a genuine leading, instruction from God. I'll say this as well: Accompanying that instruction was the distinct notion that I would likely return someday, but had no idea how long this journey would be or what I was going to be taught where I was going to be. I have often said, especially of my days in the indy charismatic/word-faith world, that I think I learned as much "what not to" as "what to." Yes, definitely. Now, I didn't say I only learned negative things, that wouldn't be accurate at all. I grew. I was formed in ways that I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been formed in another place, in obvious ways and in ways that are probably still a mystery to even me. And mind you, I never became one of those anti-Catholic, "now I'm really born again" types who leave the Catholic Church and wage war on her as the whore of Babylon or some nonsense like that. I was the very odd defender of Catholicism among my friends, and often ended up explaining more clearly some things that are often misunderstood about some aspects of Catholic doctrine to many people. What's the point? Am I writing an auto-biography here? It's certainly auto-biographical. But my point is continued with this part of the story: Over several years probably my longing for the deep, ancient faith of the Catholic Church grew, re-emerged as it were. I'm not sure it ever really went away, but there were just other things going on at different points along the path. That longing grew and manifested itself in many ways - in what I read, how I prayed, the way I wanted to worship, etc. This drawing back into the ancient ways of the Faith bore some fruit in my planting a small church which grew more and more catholic as it developed over the years. We became more and more liturgical in our worship and lifestyle. We came to be known as some kind of liturgical example of how a sort of "emerging" church could grab hold of such things for reasons deeper than just being cool for the young folk. Eventually, the voice and leading of the Holy Spirit inside me (here we are again) began sounding like this: "It's time to go back home." And that's a paraphrase, in a way, because the instruction this time was much more subtle as a "voice" and much stronger as a "feeling" and a longing. It took me more than a year, I know, to actually make the decision. I prayed, talked to my wife, to other close friends/mentors, had people praying for us. It wouldn't go away. I think I was hoping that it would for the sake of my faith community and my family. Finally it seemed clear that, indeed, it was time to return. Whatever assignment I had in other places, whatever schola He had been taking me through, was at an end. Phase 3 time? I suppose so. Let me make clear, too, that a big part, in this case, of my discernment process was wound up with what Liz was also hearing and sensing. I remember continually asking her, "are you sure this is something you're not sensing any big No's about?" We talked and talked and sometimes argued about it, worked it out, and basically it came down to, "I'm fine - I have no problem with this." That was a big help in my process of hearing myself. I was open to her getting a big giant NO in her insides. That would have been, at least, a big red flag for me. But that didn't happen - still isn't happening even with all the frustration we've been through in this whole entry process (God have mercy). THE POINT: I discerned these things. I heard the voice of the Lord leading me. I listened to what I believed was God, in both these callings, and in many others along the way. Who ultimately discerned that these leadings/instructions were genuine? Short answer - Me. And this is the same answer for you, and for anyone else. Ultimately, we have to discern within ourselves what is this or what is that or what is nothing. Hopefully, we are well-formed enough to be able to hear clearly enough (who is perfectly-formed or hears perfectly clearly?). When is it obvious to us that God is doing something, that God is leading us to do something or go somewhere? Some things are more obvious than others. "God said I should kill my whole family because He wants them in heaven for a job." Uuhh, no He did not say that. Obvious. Now, some Catholics may think it's just as obvious that I didn't hear God leading me into other Christian territory for whatever time or reasons. I'm sure some reasons could be given, but ultimately, no, it's not so obvious. If someone is lead into the Catholic Church by the Holy Spirit, we'll say, "follow the Spirit" - what if someone is lead into another Christian communion? Hmmm, see, it's not that easy. Follow the Spirit, but whatever direction you believe you're being led, be careful that you're not following a whim, emotions, external surface-level attractions, etc. Pray, take time to discern, consult those you trust or those more mature than you if you can. Once again, though, ultimately we will be convinced or not convinced of something within ourselves. That's not individualism, that's just how it ultimately works. Our conscience, however it is formed, is going to be followed - if you're the type of person who tries to follow your conscience. So, this was really about discernment, but it was placed inside my own story. I'm sure many of you have similar stories you could tell. This deals specifically with the somewhat hairy issue of Catholic/Protestant goings on, but it doesn't have to be that. I'll say this, as a Catholic - we need to be careful that our logic doesn't backfire on us if we're talking to someone about "following the Lord's leading to come into communion with the Catholic Church" above anything. Are we willing to admit that the same Lord may well sometimes be leading some of us into other areas of the whole Church for some reason? I doubt some will have room for that. I'm pretty sure I have room for it. Do I believe there is a fullness in the Catholic Church that is fairly unique in the Body of Christ? I do actually. But God is not limited as we are. God cannot be boxed. Our own Church teaches us that God is not even bound by the Sacraments. Theologically that gets complicated but well, God is complicated, ya think? In this presently limited realm in which we live and move, we have to do the best we can to hear correctly, to discern rightly, and to go in the direction we believe we're being led. God help all of us. technorati tags > catholic church, spiritual discernment, conscience Labels: catholic, personal, reversion, spiritual formation 0 comments
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