Holy Thursday - the culmination of Lent, the beginning of the three big days of Easter. I think I'm actually looking forward to going to Mass tonight. Here's what's not much to look forward to: not being there with anyone else who looks forward to it. Liz has to work tonight, so I'll be dragging the three kids that live at home now along with me. Yes, I'm making them go. This WILL be as much of a family thing as I can get it to be. But that's not pleasant at all for me really. They'll survive I'm thinkin'. They may even be fed in some way that even they are not acutely aware of. I pray that will be so. We'll be taking part in the whole Triduum liturgy, so there will be ample opportunity for something to sink in.
I admit, I have sentimental affection for the Holy Week liturgies, from younger days. I would be very pleasantly surprised if any of what I'll be participating in this week comes close to measuring up to those notions in my head and heart. They don't have to. I know that. It would just be nice. I also have this odd juxtaposition in my head between this year and last year about this time. Last year at the Easter Vigil, the community I lead and our friends as the local St. Patrick's Anglican church worshipped together. I was wearing an alb and stole and preaching the homily. This year, not so much. There is, in that, an odd mixture of comfort at being "back home" and the discomfort of the feeling of loss. I ask for Grace to learn how to deal with that.
Tonight - the Mass of the Lord's Supper - the initiation of the Holy Eucharist that we still share. Thanksgiving. I am thankful for the Eucharist. At every Mass, this is my highlight - feasting on His Mystical and Sacramental Presence - tangibly taking Him into myself - saying yes to His offering of Himself to me, to all of us. Do I understand it? Not totally. Do you? Let me answer that for you - No. Do we need to fully understand it in order to share in it? I would hope not. Is there some faith that is required? I think so - just as in hearing Him in His Word - for that to actually affect us, we need to mix what is heard with faith. In the Eucharist as well, it seems, we need to mix with faith our reception of the Sacrament in order for Grace to be "activated" inside us. I'm not sure we can neatly quantify this faith, number it and lay it out. Faith in... the fact that He IS present, really present, Sacramentally; His love for us and desire to heal us from our brokenness; the fact that some kind of real substantive transformation will happen in us as we receive Him and His Life in this way.
I pray His Presence will permeate me, my family and all of you during these holy days, and continue to do so even when the days aren't called holy.
"Then, if we cannot as yet think alike in all things, at least we may love alike. Herein we cannot possibly do amiss." John Wesley
"Keep your eyes on the crucifix, for Jesus without the cross
is a man without a mission, and the cross without Jesus
is a burden without a reliever." Fulton J. Sheen
"...I am deeply convinced that the Christian leader of the future is called to be
completely irrelevant and to stand in this world with nothing to offer but his or her own vulnerable self." Henri Nouwen
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