"...love is not a matter of getting what you want. Quite the contrary. The insistence on always having what you want, on always being satisfied, on always being fulfilled, makes love impossible. To love you have to climb out of the cradle, where everything is 'getting,' and grow up to the maturity of giving, without concern for getting anything special in return. Love is not a deal, it is a sacrifice. It is not marketing, it is a form of worship." Thomas Merton, Love and Living (emphases mine)
I love that line - to love you have to climb out of the cradle. That's good. And we have to sense that it's time to get out, too, and do the work of climbing out. If you have children past a certain age, you know this phenomenon. You know when it's time for the "big girl bed." We have more daughters, so mostly it has been big girl bed. When Katey reached that age, whatever age it is for each child - there's a span, not an exact age - she worked her little self up and out of that crib and showed up in our bedroom. So, you're like, "well, I guess it's time for a big girl bed." It's progression time.
There has to come a time, a time to get out of the cradle, to move on past the point of lying in your Mother's arms being fed and changed all the time - on to maturity. Away from merely a focus on self. Now, we have relationships, but are we always living in the land of the deal? Is everything you do for someone somehow connected to something you want back, either spoken or unspoken? If so, this is not purely love. Aaaahh, no it's not. Love is not a deal. It is not tit for tat.
Of course this transformation into a loving being is a long haul. Sure. We know that. But even so, it does not happen automatically, without our knowing participation and cooperation. Of course it's Grace - don't start - but what will you do with the Grace when it comes? Look at it funny and then turn around and go the other way? We can do that you know, and we do. Or will you welcome the gift, unwrap it, give thanks for it and use it? Let's hope the latter. Does any of that sting when you think about it? -- Good. That's when things get interesting, and people start getting transformed.
August 10, 2006
> 10:57 AM
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