May 24, 2006> 10:52 AM
constantly inadequate
On the journaling side of things, I feel some degree of inadequate most all the time I think. For someone who has as much pride reserve as I do, you'd think that wouldn't be so. I think it goes hand in hand though. The business of constantly feeling inadequate about several things goes hand in hand with the business of feeling superior in many areas. These are two ends of the same stick. So, if you're "too humble," you're probably not humble at all. You're probably full of pride and just very sadly disappointed in yourself for not being as good as you think you are or could be. Not a problem that is easily solved.
Of course no problem like that, of the interior human make-up variety, is easily solved. None of them. I have to see clearly though, for any of it to go to the next level, clearly enough anyway. So, when I sit, think of myself, and shake my head, what am I really seeing? Am I seeing accurately or am I putting 3 and 5 together and getting 10? Part of the solution to this is not trying to figure out and solve your problems by yourself. Some things you can just never see about yourself, at least not when you're in the middle of what's happening. So we submit ourselves to one another, not to everyone, but to the "one another" you are called to be with. I guess there are sort of levels of one anothering. We need to be aware of that and act accordingly.
What I need is to learn how to be a regular person - to see what is true about myself, recognize it for what it is, and live accordingly. If something about myself IS inadequate, in relation to what truly human beings should be, then I should move toward not being that way. If something about me is fully human, I need to see that clearly and thank God for it. Being a regular person doesn't feel like much though, so we don't aspire to that. It's too middle-ground. We want the highs, and we're willing to put up with the lows in order to get them. Help me to see clearly, Lord. Make me, make us regular people, Father.
May 24, 2006
> 10:52 AM
038
