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go here to buy my stock photography Alan Creech
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aaron klinefelter
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 Pretty nice afternoon, but of course, outdoors guy that I am, I'm sitting in the study typing on this powerbook. Listening to: Roxanne by The Police - good stuff - two min. later: I Wish by Stevie Wonder - after that: There She Goes by The Las.So, self discovery: It's always interesting when you discover something about yourself. Maybe it's something you sort of knew but weren't really paying attention to. In my case it may be that I don't want to think this is true of myself, of "me," after all, I am ME! Here's the deal. I'm sort of an angry, sometimes "pissy" person. I can be a bit of an ass sometimes. It depends on what side of me you get on, how tired I am, how tired of you I am, how internally weary I am, or frazzled at the edges by stress of whatever kind. Oh, I'm sure there are all manner of reasons why I'm a somewhat difficult person to deal with, but the fact is, that's me and I'm sort of ashamed of it.  When I say, "that's me," I want to make clear, I am in no way saying, "too bad for you, that's just the way I am, deal with it" - if you've read this blog for any length of time, you should know how I feel about that kind of statement. If there is a way in me that is not as it ought to be, then that way needs to change. I need to change. Of course, I don't have to. I can choose to stay the same, in which case, too bad for me AND for you and everyone around me. Too bad for the world. Let's put it like this, IF I am truly going to say that I desire to be one with God, to be recreated in the Image of Jesus, then I have some bending to do. I have some bending to do. And guess what?... Did you guess it yet? Bending, where you have not bent in a while, hurts like crap. If, though, you are, I am, living with integrity and openly and honestly desiring the Life of God, then there will be joy in my pain. It will in fact, overshadow the pain. I trust this will be true.If I have been an ass to you, I'm sorry. Really. Let me say this also, in the middle of the fray here, just to be fair and clear on all sides, if, on a personal and relational level, I have spoken straight to you about something, if I have not pulled the punch, then I probably wasn't being an ass, I was probably loving you. Of course there are ways of saying things to people that don't crush them, but I find we're often too careful about that because we're insecure about relationships - perhaps because often there are none. That is not to retract from the fact that I have anger issues and am sometimes pretty selfish. That's a whole thing unto itself. I'm being honest and, I believe, soberly estimating myself. I'm not trying to beat up on myself or make myself out to be worse than I really am. That's not helpful to anyone. I'm sure we all have these things we're dealing with on a daily basis. Sometimes they come to light for us more than at others. I'm trying to take this as an opportunity to bend and deal with it, or allow it to be dealt with. Pax vobiscum. technorati tags > self discovery, attitude, personality, change, anger, selfishness :::
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> today
three quotes |:: "Then, if we cannot as yet think alike in all things, at least we may love alike. Herein we cannot possibly do amiss." "Keep your eyes on the crucifix, for Jesus without the cross
is a man without a mission, and the cross without Jesus
is a burden without a reliever." "...I am deeply convinced that the Christian leader of the future is called to be
completely irrelevant and to stand in this world with nothing to offer but his or her own vulnerable self."
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