March 16, 2006> 10:41 AM
numb?
Seems like a lot has happened here in the last week or so. I think I'm a bit numb. Excited about getting together with good friends and comrades in the Kingdom - and Chad dies. What the hell? Crazy. Palmer gets sicker. What the HELL? Life moves on. I don't stop. Work, home life, pray, eat, etc. This is what I know to do. I can still laugh. I can still have conversations about normal things. I am not, seemingly, overwhelmed. And we sold our house. In the middle of life, and I can't really feel as happy as you'd think about it. It's just there. The papers aren't signed but it's a deal. I'm like, "yip, it's sold, OK, what's for lunch?" Maybe later I'll dance a jig or something. I don't know. I keep praying and believing and hoping for miracles. I can't not do that. If I stopped doing that I would simply stop all of it and not call myself a Christian. It would be pointless to me. But even in the midst of all the crap, the shit of life as we experience it, it's NOT pointless. It's not. So I keep living this life. And I'm going to Ireland in June, by myself, for a week. Maybe I'll cry tears of joy on the ruined stones of the Abbey of Killone, but I haven't yet. And I love my children. They are so good. If I could sell what is in my two teenage daughters, how they are, the solid fibre of who they are, you'd pay big money for it. The boy too with his heart as big as his poofy hair head - selfless and innocent. And the youngest, asking questions beyond her years, sweetie, loves her Daddy. Finally my tears come and I'm at work, damnit. Peace to all in this house.
March 16, 2006
> 10:41 AM
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