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February 03, 2006
> 9:03 AM
on being pastoral  I seem to hear a lot these days about being "pastoral" with people - dealing with them in their difficulties. Apparently we need to develop "pastoral responses" to certain issues. First of all, I am a pastor. I am the father of a small spiritual family, such as it is. So, I'm speaking from that place - from the place of having dealt with people and their various issues for a while now. I am also a very naturally relational person. I like to talk. I'm not what might be understood as the "typical male" who would rather do something active than sit and talk. I sit and I talk. I like to work things out. I like things to be clear and unconfused. Talking helps with that, particularly if it's honest communication that's going on.What does this mean? "We need to be more pastoral when dealing with people." What does that mean? Let me tell you what I have gathered that it means many times. It seems to mean, "don't be too hard on people." It seems to mean that we who are pastors shouldn't straight-out say one thing IS and another IS NOT. We should, rather, say something more akin to, "you know, I just don't know, but I do know this, God loves you and that's enough." Well, I would agree that, in fact, that is enough, but what is THAT? What does the statement "God loves us" involve? It certainly means more than God has fond feelings for us and will draw close to us and hug us up no matter what our attitudes, actions and ideas of Him are at any given time. It means more than that. I'm not sure where this current popular definition of being pastoral came from. I have a guess that maybe it is a reactionary response to a hard and unforgiving leadership style. God knows, and you and I both know, that this has been all too common among "pastors." But the stupid and twisted end of a thing is no call to go to the other just as twisted end. To look at someone in difficulty, trying to decide what is right or wrong, helpful or harmful and not tell them what you know to be true - not to let them have the wisdom you've been given, is un-pastoral. It is to allow the sheep to wander off a cliff or into the range of wolves. To attemp to refigure truth so that you can say a good thing to everyone, is actively harmful - just as harmful as sitting there and pointing your finger in their face telling them how horrible they are and condemning them to hell. Both result in a spiritual crippling of the person. Being a pastor to someone happens in the context of relationship and in community. So, it's inherently something that is wrapped up inside some degree of friendship and openness. There is going to be understanding in a situation like that. There will be caring. In that context there should also be honesty. There should also be the "permission" to say hard things. There should be, along with that, willingness to hear hard things said. This is all part of the pastoral dynamic. If it is not a relational dynamic, to me, it cannot then be pastoral. It is something else - I do not know what. As an aside, this may well do away with our sitting around coming up with sweeping "pastoral responses" to grand issues dealing with people we don't even know. So, what's the point? If you're in the role of pastor, be pastoral, but don't be confused about what that means. If you're not in that role, don't worry about it. Don't be drawn in by this idea that you can only say "nice" things and never say "no," "wrong," or "bad." Don't let go of Truth. Be loving and compassionate. Listen. Try to understand. Be a friend. But, do not be overcome by emotion such that you render yourself unable to say what might need to be said for the possible painful healing of the person involved. Medicine is often distasteful. It sometimes gives you an upset stomach. But it heals. Being pastoral might not be fun or easy sometimes. Being pastoral might involve saying something that is not welcome to the ears of the hearer. It may not, and that would be better, but let's not lose our way. technorati tags > pastoral ministry, pastoring, church, spirituality Labels: church, leadership, spiritual formation 0 Comments:| permalink | e-mail me | 
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